12 Days of Christmas: How the millennial killed Christmas

Every generation

in America

liked Christmas a lot…

But the millennial,

with their avocados and student loans,

did NOT!

The millennial killed Christmas, every present in sight.

Now, please don’t ask why, for it wasn’t out of spite.

It could be, because they work hard for this bread.

It could be, perhaps, they didn’t get out of bed.

But I think the most likely reason of all

May have been that their apartment was two sizes too small.

“Commercialism and greed!” they yelled in the street.

“Change is a-coming!” and they picked up their feet.

Then they Twittered and Insta’d their political cries,

Only to come across some carefully targeted lies.

“A gender-neutral Santa” the media claimed,

“Is exactly the agenda those millennials aimed.”

The millennial could not even for this was a trick,

Thought up and created by their adversaries real quick.

But all the internet users were quickly outraged,

More-so at this than when children were caged.

Fox News ran a story about Rudolph and Cupid

being gay-lovers but who could be that stupid?

Aunt Judy believed it, she shared it one night

With a caption that read, “Oh, this isn’t right!”

“Those snowflakes have thin skin, back in my day,

we didn’t get worked up and nobody was gay.”

So while everyone argued about wrong and right

The Christmas spirit disappeared out of sight.

“Baby, it’s Cold Outside” is a perfectly good song!

said Uncle Joe not considering he may be wrong.

There’s a war on Christmas and the government shut down.

Somehow this too was the millennials’ fault now.

The stores and the malls didn’t make enough money

Older generations took notice and didn’t find it that funny.

“Millennials killed Christmas by shopping on the web.”

Cousin Anthony said to his kids, George and Deb.

But Christmas gifts were spendy and no one had time

to go to the store and spend every single last dime.

“What’s wrong with convenience, free shipping and saving?

Amazon has no lines, mall Santas or ragin.”

But this angered the old folk for times were a changin.

“We don’t like new things, PC culture’s a sham.

Global warming isn’t real, and God is our man

So all the Americans put up their nativity and lights

And with just days ‘til Christmas they continued their fights.

They’d type and they’d type and they’d…type!…Type!…Type!…TYPE!

They’d shout and they’d scream and share internet memes.

“Those kids killed Applebees, golf, and detergent.

“They must be stopped now for this is urgent!”

However, millennials had grown apathetic

They knew that these claims were becoming pathetic.

They knew Christmas was coming, it wasn’t too late,

To try to do good and force out all the hate.

Each and every young person that new that they could,

Used their platforms to spread an abundance of good.

You see, for the millennials didn’t kill Christmas after all.

That attempt happened by many people, big and small.

If the spirit of the season you want to keep in sight,

Set aside your name-calling and try to do right.

Happy Christmas to each gender, race and generation.

Truly, next year we must act as one nation.

—erickwood97@gmail.com

@GrahamWoodMedia