COLUMN: Evaluating revenge on professors
Before getting to the meat of this column, there is one item of interest that I feel is necessary to address. This week is “A” Week, which is a week that hosts several activities, all of which donate their proceeds to a charitable cause. While this is a good thing, there is something inherently wrong about one of the activities for “A” Week, specifically the one that happened last night: the Midnight Fun Run.
The Midnight Fun Run is a 5K race that actually starts at 12 a.m. And, to put it bluntly, everything about this activity is wrong. For starters, “fun” and “run” obviously don’t belong in the same sentence together, but when you throw “midnight” in front of it that just clinches the insanity of it all.
I don’t know who it was that sat down and thought, “Boy, I sure love to push myself to physical exhaustion running a grueling 3.2 miles, but if there was only a way I could accomplish such torture in the middle of the night that would be absolutely ideal.” My guess is the whole thing started with a dare and no one is willing to swallow their pride yet. I just hope it stops before we have the “Top of Utah Midnight Marathon.”
To “A” Week’s credit they have a much more sane nighttime fund-raising activity coming up on Friday, which is a dance followed by True Aggie night. You actually can go to a dance and become a True Aggie and feel good about it because it’s going toward charity. Becoming a True Aggie never was so noble.
Now to change gears a little bit, I was hoping to discuss something we will all be participating in within the next couple of weeks, if we haven’t already. No, hopefully not another 5K, I’m talking about classroom evaluations. Evaluations. Music to students’ ears.
When your professor leaves the class and someone hands out those bubble sheets you are thinking one of two things: Finally, a chance to get back at the professor for a semester’s worth of torture! Or, for the less emotionally driven students out there, Yes! I get to leave class early.
While the evaluation may indeed be the way of exacting revenge on a less-than-desirable professor, I’m afraid that many students misuse such opportunities. Some students will use the evaluation to make constructive criticism. Such criticisms will usually offer suggestions on how to better course material. This is no good, however, because it will end up making the professor grateful for your helpful suggestions and all hope for revenge will be lost. Other students will use destructive criticisms. Most of these criticisms end up being personal attacks against the professor’s appearance, family and general demeanor. While good for temporary vengeance, it may also end up getting you tracked down by local authorities and slapped with a restraining order.
That is why my suggestion is to go for the “eye for an eye” approach at revenge. In your evaluation, indicate to the professor that your classroom critiques are so extensive that several books from the USU Bookstore will need to be bought and read in order to gain a good hold on the improvements you wish to convey to them.
Then, in order to ensure that they have done their reading, indicate that you will provide your professors with several quizzes, some tests and a couple of essays over the course of a few months. Their final grade can be determined by whatever grade you received for their class. And just like that you have sweet, sweet revenge.
In the spirit of evaluations, I refuse to be a hypocrite. I am very willing to receive evaluations from my critics out there. Bear in mind, however, that my revenge for such critiques will be that you sit down and write out dozens of pointless and ridiculous articles for me to read.
Marty Reeder is a senior majoring in history education. Comments or Fun Run hate mails can be sent to martr@cc.usu.edu.