The Preemptive Critics
“Smoking Aces”
Bullets.
This movie – as far as I can tell – is about bullets.
And I’m totally OK with that.
Personally, I think fake bullets are a much better use of film production dollars than say, catering or actors.
There appears to be some playing cards involved, but I’m pretty sure that’s just a metaphor for bullets.
When you watch the trailer, you see bullets. You go to the Web site, you see bullets. I close my eyes, I see bullets.
I’ve never been so happy.
I’m looking forward to the bullets in this film, but I’m even more looking forward to the inevitable sequel, ‘Smoking Clubs.’
That one is about cavemen.
I preemptively love this movie.
-By Steve Shinney/steveshinney@cc.usu.edu
“Catch and Release”
Jennifer Garner’s new “Catch and Release” may not be an Oscar contender, but it is definitely better than bearing Ben Affleck’s child.
After something like that, any move is a good career move.
But seriously, I expected some fishing or some wilderness or something. But a chick flick that “lures”-get it? Lures? Catch and release?-you in under the guise of a journey into the male psyche is just unforgivable.
There is nothing wild about this movie.
Not even Kevin Smith, with his questionable hygiene and crude humor could dirty this movie up a little bit. In fact, this movie cleaned Smith up so much that it looks like he’s going to leave the “Clerks” franchise behind and direct Garner’s new movie, “14 going on 40.”
As a preemptive critic, I don’t see a lot of movies.
And, if they keep looking like this I’m probably going to keep staying home. So when faced with the opportunity to “Catch and Release,” I’m going to have to skip the catch and go straight to the release.
I preemptively hate this movie.
-By Zach Pendleton/zpendleton@cc.usu.edu