COLUMN: Trash Talking 101
For better or worse, trash-talking is a big part of sports today. According to Wikipedia, trash-talk is a form of boast or insult, often used in sports to intimidate the players on the other team.
Trash-talk can be serious, funny or borderline inappropriate. It’s been the cause of some on-field skirmishes and can lay the foundation for an intense rivalry.
Fans use trash-talk amongst themselves, and they also aim it at the opposing team in an effort get them off their game. The “air ball” and “stupid, stupid, stupid” chants at men’s basketball games are great examples of fans using trash-talk to get in the opponents’ heads.
There are several ways to effectively trash-talk your opponent while you’re on the field. Sarcasm is probably the most useful tool in the trash-talker’s toolbox. You can be sarcastic about a lot of things, like your opponent’s game, your sympathy for their mistakes and your level of care about their well-being. Examples: “Oh man, I’m sorry you couldn’t keep up on that one. That’s too bad. I’ll take it easy one you next time.” “I didn’t mean to burn you so bad. Are you OK? Can I get you some ointment?” and “Sorry to keep making you look so bad, but I can’t help it. It’s in my genes to be awesome.”
The last example also illustrated another important part of trash-talking – pumping yourself up to epic proportions. This was Muhammad Ali’s strong suit. You can say things like, “I’m the greatest,” “I’m a bad man” or “No mortal man can stop me.”
Along with pumping yourself up, you should also apologize for being so much better than your opponent – “I don’t mean to be so good. I can’t help it. I’ll send you a hand-written apology for making you look so bad in front of your mother.”
Trash-talking is also very conducive to “your momma” jokes. These are probably the things that get under people’s skin the most. Any “your momma” joke can work as a form of trash-talk. A favorite of mine is, “Your momma’s so dumb she makes Paris Hilton look like Stephen Hawking.”
Another important element of trash-talking is using profanity to emphasis what you’re saying. Profanity and other obscene language can have a huge, positive effect on your trash-talking, because they raise the level of offensiveness exponentially.
There are more advanced techniques, but this is just a very basic overview. The important thing for fans to know is that these on-field techniques can also boost your trash-talking skill.
The first important distinction you have to make, as a fan, is who your opponent is. Is it the other team? It is if you are watching the game live and in person. If you are watching the game on TV, trash-talking the other team doesn’t help much, but it’s still good practice.
When trash-talking the players on the other team, the principles of on-field trash-talking can be used almost exactly, no change necessary. Use as much sarcasm and “your momma” jokes as possible, because it’s very unlikely a player from the other team is going to get in a physical altercation with you just because you are yelling at them.
One important thing to do when trash-talking from the stands is to pick out the oddest, funniest and most ridiculous characteristics from the opposing team, and yell about them. Some great targets for this are: stupid tattoos – flames come to mind – dumb haircuts, ugly or obtuse facial features or any other characteristic that may be something the player is self-conscious about. If you get them thinking about that, they can’t focus on the game.
But you can’t always watch the games live, and a lot of times, you are watching the game with people who are cheering for the other team. So those opposing fans become your target.
In these cases you can still make fun of specific players, especially if you know who the opposing fans’ favorite players are. You can also make fun of the team as a whole. It’s effective to say things like: “Your team ain’t $&%@.”
It isn’t very nice, but it is acceptable to verbally attack things about the opposing fans themselves. Again, picking out a troubling personal characteristic is a good way to go about this.
These techniques aren’t just for sports; they can be used while playing video games or any other quasi-competitive activities.
But you have to remember it’s easier to talk trash when you are winning. It’s hard to trash-talk when you are, or your team is, down by a lot. If you find yourself in a situation where your opponent is down but still trash-talking, the most demoralizing thing you can do is just say, “Scoreboard.”