MOVIE REVIEW: Terry’s brief summer sampling
For those of you who are pressed for time, here is the abbreviated version of my review: “Hulk” isn’t as bad as I thought it would be, “Pirates of the Caribbean” is worth it if only because of Keira Knightley, and “Seabiscuit” is a really cool horse movie.
Now, for those of you who are still reading, here is the rationale behind my opinion. We’ll get started with the lamest of the three movies, to get it out of the way.
“Hulk:” grade C
When I saw the previews for “Hulk,” I, like many, cringed a bit, getting the sinking feeling like the comic-book hero really did look like Gumby on steroids. Now, that wasn’t such a bad idea, if the filmmakers had been going for “Gumby on steroids.” But they weren’t. In fact, the movie presents itself in a nearly humorless fashion, choosing to tell a story so intellectual and serious that it will probably sail over the heads of most of its audience.
In the end, I actually liked the deep story, and the effects weren’t nearly as bad on screen as they were in the previews, but as the summer receipts have shown, “Hulk” just didn’t have enough oomph to make much of an impact. It was cool to see why Nick Nolte looked so zany in his mug shots a few months back, though.
“Pirates of the Caribbean:” grade B
The “Curse of the Black Pearl” boasted a considerably longer title than “Hulk,” and it was also a considerably more satisfying movie experience. Over the years, I have gradually built a solid appreciation of Johnny Depp, from his roles in flicks like “Edward Scissorhands,” “Ed Wood,” and “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape.” His performance in “Pirates” has continued his streak. His eccentric pirate Captain Jack Sparrow also serves as a fun foil to Orlando Bloom, who isn’t required to do much more than do some sword fighting and be “the blonde elf-dude from ‘Lord of the Rings.'” (Here’s hoping that Bloom doesn’t get pigeon-holed into eternal Tiger Beat status, because he’s much better than that.)
Of course, the best thing about “Pirates” is Keira Knightley. A realistic plot is hard to come by these days, but I had no trouble believing that Orlando Bloom would want to team up with a heavy-eyeliner laden Depp to hijack a huge boat and chase after a pirate ship run by the undead just to get Knightley back. When I found out that she played Natalie Portman’s back-up Queen Amidala in the first Star Wars prequel, I marveled to think that two such ladies were hanging out on the same set. What a woman. Apparently she’s in “Bend it like Beckham,” too.
“Seabiscuit:” grade B+
The best flick of the three would probably have to be “Seabiscuit.” I have a feeling that in the long run “Seabiscuit” will be the one I put on to watch with the little Josh’s in years to come. It’s basically one of those overcoming-all-odds sports movies like “Hoosiers” and “Rudy,” only this time with Spider-Man and a horse. Jeff Bridges (the Starman guy) and Chris Cooper (the guy that gets shot at the end of “Bourne Identity”) are there to provide dialogue in between the cool horse-racing scenes, but the only female is this girl that looks a lot like that sister missionary in “God’s Army,” only with better hair.
“Seabiscuit” is also one of those movies that makes you want to run out and participate in the subject activity, like “Backdraft,” or “The Godfather.” This enthusiasm comes from one of the coolest elements of the movie, the “Horse-Cam.” From time to time, in the middle of intense races, we get a wobbly, mud-splattered shot from right above Seabiscuit’s point of view. It has born a passion for horseback riding inside of this humble writer. If any of my loyal readers out there has horses, I’m ready to ride.
Joshua Terry is a graduate student in the American studies program. Comments can be sent to jterry@english.usu.edu.