Counselors work to deal with effects of violence

The painful effects associated with domestic violence aren’t limited to the victims themselves. Instead, they can be shared by family, friends and even the counselors who work to help them.

“I can remember some very overwhelming feelings of anger,” said Rachel Brighton, SAVVI (Sexual Assault Anti-Violence Information) coordinator for USU.

Brighton works as a victim’s advocate for those who suffer through domestic violence and sexual assault. She helps victims deal with law enforcement, obtain counseling and accompanies them to doctor’s visits.

“We can be a constant as they work with all these different organizations and offices,” she said, noting that though the work is rewarding, seeing the terrible ways people can treat each other wears on her.

“How can people be so cruel?” she said. “It still makes me sad.”

Neal Sullivan, a marriage and family therapist intern at the Family Institute of Northern Utah, said his job has exposed him to a dark, violent world.

“It basically opened my eyes to a world I didn’t know existed,” he said.

Sullivan said he had no experience with domestic violence growing up. It wasn’t until he went to college to become a counselor that he realized there are so many people affected by abuse.

Brighton’s upbringing gave her a different perspective.

“Growing up in New York, I became very aware of violence,” she said.

Murder and rape were always breaking news, she said, and were crimes she unfortunately became “fairly accustomed to.”

Brighton attended Brigham Young University in Provo, where she worked at the women’s center on campus as an intern.

In her experience, training seminars have been some of the most trying experiences, Brighton said, as they are extremely detailed and in-depth and show “just horrific things.” She went through a concentrated nurse training for rape victims and sat through presentations of video and photos of victims of child abuse.

“[The training] helps you be a better professional, but at the same time, as a human being, it’s difficult to look at those things and not become angry,” she said.

SAVVI Office intern Amber Hebdon said she couldn’t handle one training session that dealt with abused children in Utah.

“It made me so sick I had to leave,” the young mother said.

Sullivan is the co-coordinator of a women’s group that consists of women who have been court-ordered to get counseling and some who attend willingly. Some of the women were abused and acted in self-defense, while other women in the group did the abusing.

“There’s just a lot of hurt and a lot of pain expressed in that group,” he said.

The most disheartening discovery Sullivan has made is learning of the general fear women have of men. He said it’s hard for him to hear that women cross to the other side of the street when a man is walking toward them out of fear he might hurt them. Knowing that his mere presence can make someone uncomfortable is discouraging.

“That it’s even a possibility is kind of a comment on the general problems in our society,” he said.

Although the work is rewarding, Sullivan said it can be frustrating since some clients who are offered help refuse to take it.

“I just can’t make people do what’s good for them,” he said. “I feel very powerless.”

These feelings occur when clients who come to him for help refuse to help themselves. It’s scenarios like these where “the client and the therapist both feel the irony of the situation,” he said.

Brighton’s and Sullivan’s professions are centered on helping others, yet Brighton said it’s very important to also help herself.

“It’s important to learn where your limits are,” she said.

Hearing of others’ struggles day after day can cause domestic violence professionals to focus on the negative aspects of society, Brighton said. Finding the activities and relationships that make her happy is an important outlet for the anger and sadness that comes from her profession.

It helps to “get involved in activities where you realize the world isn’t so dark,” she said.

Crocheting and driving are two of those relaxing activities. Brighton said she would get on the highway and drive for miles when she worked at the Women’s Center at BYU since it helped to clear her head.

One outlet she has noticed other counselors use is gardening because they like to work with things that are alive, growing and beautiful.

Brighton’s office was once decorated with accessories from the cartoon “SpongeBob SquarePants” because she said he’s silly and ridiculous, which is exactly opposite of her job.

Sullivan, who has a small water fountain on his desk, said his job has affected his marriage and his marriage has affected his job. He said he can offer positive solutions from his marriage to clients.

“I try to basically live exactly how I’m teaching people,” he said.

While some of the communication techniques he teaches people can be used in his own life, Sullivan said “I don’t try to be a therapist to my wife.”

Brighton said her relationship with her husband of about a year is also important since he’s always a reminder that there is good in the world.

“When I hear and see the things that I do with my job, I love him that much more,” she said.

He’s one person she can vent to when she’s sad, but she said she tries to “debrief” with coworkers at the office instead of taking it all home.

“I don’t want to burn him out either,” she said.

Despite the emotional effects her job carries with it, Brighton said it’s important to remember that no one suffers more than the victims of domestic violence. While counselors have the luxury of leaving their worries at work, the victim has to deal with the pain 24 hours a day.

“The person it’s most difficult for is the victim; they really have the load to carry,” she said.

Seeing the positive changes victims of domestic violence make in spite of their abusive relationships is inspiring to Sullivan, since he said he looks forward to coming in to work every day.

“In the end, it’s worth it,” Brighton said.

-mof@cc.usu.edu