MOVIE REVIEW: We have seen this one before
Whether 10,000 BC is the actual year the movie is taking place is anyone’s guess. A history professor would have a hemorrhage while watching this movie. Since this is a fictional movie, as a moviegoer you have to let a few things slide, but after awhile it just becomes silly. I’ll get into the historical mishaps later, but right now let’s focus on the story (of what little one there is).
Prophecies abound during the entire movie, as every civilization encountered has its own prophecies, and miraculously they all work out in perfect harmony with each other, sort of like a prophecy synergy.
The first prophecy encountered is that of the “blue-eyed” child. She is found by a tribe of mammoth hunters. The prophecy is long and convoluted, but all you have to know is that the “blue-eyed” child is supposed to deliver the tribe from evil when the “four-legged demons” come.
While everyone else in the tribe has dreadlocks, which reminded me of those worn by John Travolta in “Battlefield Earth,” the “blue-eyed” child looks like an actress straight out of a “Laguna Beach” episode, only she rolled around in the dirt a few times. The other main character is D’Leh, who is at first an outcast, but then is called to lead an entire army. Never heard of that happening in a movie before have we? Oh, and a little side note: D’Leh is “held” spelled backwards, and “held” is German for “hero.” Director Ronald Emmerich (“Independence Day”) is one clever guy, wouldn’t you say?
Soon the hunter village is overrun by the “four-legged demons” that are men on horses. This is when the history parts get a little sketchy (by sketchy I mean the history book was tossed out the window). At the same time there are mammoths and saber-toothed tigers wandering the land, there are men riding horses. That’s not the only misstep here involving historical matters. Mammoths are depicted living in places such as Africa, and they are being used as pack animals to help build the pyramids. Didn’t you know that the Egyptians used mammoths to build the pyramids?
For the entire movie, we follow D’Leh on his harrowing journey from snowy mountains of his homeland, to humid jungles filled with prehistoric blood-thirsty ostriches, to vast seas of sand dunes, and finally to the “Mountain of the Gods,” all to save his one true love, the “blue-eyed” child.
The problem with “10,000 BC,” besides the enormous liberties it takes with historical events and geography, is that we’ve all seen this movie before. An outcast man is destined to do great things and rescue the love of his life, all the while seeking inspiration from wise old men and women who inexplicably know detailed revelations on what exactly he should do. He even has his chance to give a “Braveheart”-like speech.
After all that, I should mention the acting, writing and directing are dreadful. There are many times throughout the film the dialogue will garner unintentional laughter. “10,000 BC” plays more like a well funded B-movie.
Grade: D