COLUMN: Examining the unholy books
Earlier this month, BYU’s student paper, The Daily Universe, refused to publish the latest installments of “Dilbert.” The recent comics have featured a new employee named Jesus (pronounced hay-soos) and involve some hilarious, albeit irreverent, references to Jesus Christ. Jesus is the new team leader in the office. He employs 12 people to help him on a project. “I am the saver of databases,” he says. “Join me to upgrade our systems.”
A fellow employee betrays Jesus, warning the CEO that Jesus is gaining quite the following and has managerial ambitions. Consequently, Jesus gets downsized, but he vows to return as a consultant to save people’s pensions.
I found the comics tastefully sacrilegious, but many BYU students were mortified. It’s not difficult to upset their prudish sensibilities.
In fact, the Harold B. Lee Library provides forms by which students can request that a book be pulled from the library. I imagine most of these are petty complaints, like those made against “Dilbert.”
So last year, I made a request of my own. I asked, tongue-in-cheek, that the library remove the Bible and the Book of Mormon. These books are replete with graphic violence and bigotry-content that is hardly suitable for an audience unable to tolerate a comic strip.
The following are some abhorrent Bible verses (punctuated with my commentary) that you are not likely to study in Sunday school:
Leviticus 20:9 – “For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him.”
Couldn’t we try spanking or time-out, first?
Other offenses penalized with death under Mosaic Law include witchcraft, heresy, apostasy, blasphemy, adultery, homosexuality and bestiality.
Ephesians 5: 22-23 – “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.”
Patriarchy: a traditional family value.
Numbers 31:17-18 – “Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves.”
Blessed be the peacemakers … oh, and apparently the rapists.
Exodus 21: 20-21 – “And if a man smite his servant, or his maid, with a rod, and he die under his hand; he shall be surely punished. Notwithstanding, if he continue a day or two, he shall not be punished: for he is his money.”
1 Peter 2:18 – “Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward.”
Southern slave owners cited the above scriptures to justify slavery.
2 Kings 2: 23-24 – “And (Elisha) went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the Lord. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.”
I’m sensitive about my balding as well, but having the Lord sic bears on a group of bratty kids is a tad much.
The Book of Mormon-“the most correct of any book on earth”-also contains objectionable doctrines.
2 Nephi 5:21 – “And he had caused the cursing to come upon them, yea, even a sore cursing, because of their iniquity. For behold, they had hardened their hearts against him, that they had become like unto a flint; wherefore, as they were white, and exceedingly fair and delightsome, that they might not be enticing unto my people the Lord God did cause a skin of blackness to come upon them.”
This is, astonishingly, the Mormon explanation for the Native American’s darker skin.
Jacob 6:10 – “And according to the power of justice, for justice cannot be denied, ye must go away into that lake of fire and brimstone, whose flames are unquenchable, and whose smoke ascendeth up forever and ever, which lake of fire and brimstone is endless torment.”
I thought we unbelievers at least make it to “ghetto heaven” (the Telestial Kingdom). What’s with this fire-and-brimstone talk, then?
1 Nephi 4:13 – “Behold the Lord slayeth the wicked to bring forth his righteous purposes. It is better that one man should perish than that a nation should dwindle and perish in unbelief.”
To put it bluntly, this is the same philosophy that flew two planes into the World Trade Center.
My point here isn’t to demonstrate that these books are wholly evil. No, there are certainly gems of wisdom and truth in them. They are, however, less inspired than the “Dilbert” comic strip. A lot less funny, too.
And to those left wondering: BYU’s library has yet to honor my request to have the Bible and the Book of Mormon pulled. But I’ll keep you posted.