COLUMN: Preserve the meaning of marriage
So yesterday was my grandparents’ 60th wedding anniversary. I know, Halloween. It’s weird.
My grandparents claimed ignorance. They say they were so in love and excited about their wedding they didn’t even realize they were getting married on the day dedicated to doom, destruction and death, at least not until the trick-or-treaters started knocking on the door on their wedding night.
But now it’s 60 years later. What a way to beat the odds. I stand in awe just thinking about it. In my young life, I cannot even imagine being alive for 60 years, let alone married for that long. It is amazing to me.
Marriage by itself I think is remarkable. To go out and chose someone you want to spend all your time with, have all your important discussions with, that you want to share everything with.
The concept is intimidating. Even more so since many of us are in that stage of our lives where we are looking, searching for the perfect someone who’s kind and funny, caring, not painful to look at, plus all those other qualities everyone has scribbled in their journals.
The hunt is on and it can be thrilling until you have to decide. Then we’re worried. What if you make the wrong choice? Then you’re doomed to spend the rest of your days staring at someone you find distasteful, boring or just plain irritating.
Of course there’s always divorce. But I don’t really believe in it, for the most part. Divorce has made marriage disposable. And I think it should mean more than that.
I would hope when people get married these days they are doing it with the hope and prayer that this is a lifetime choice, not just what seems good for the moment.
Now, I know divorce is necessary sometimes. I don’t want a million e-mails about why you had to get divorced. I get it. Plus, it’s always your choice, something between you and your spouse and I’m a firm believer that nobody else can figure out what is best for you.
My only concern here is the reality that marriage is a pact, a promise between two people and there are those out there who don’t seem to be concerned with keeping their promises. Utah has one of the highest divorce rates in the country, and it’s sad.
The question is: what goes wrong? I don’t think people get married with the plan of getting divorced. That’s just pathetic. But something happens.
I read somewhere the top two reasons for divorce were money troubles and infidelity.
The second one is easy to fix. Just don’t do it. Plain and simple. But money trouble is a little harder. It’s bound to come up. Most families just starting out struggle a bit financially.
I suppose some advice my grandpa gave me once is fitting for this, and he has been married now for 60 years, so perhaps this works. He said you should have a plan, and you should plan to save.
Grandpa was talking about money at the time. But the advice holds true for marriage as well. Before you get married, have a plan. Talk with your future spouse about anything you think might be an issue in the future, and have a plan for how you are going to deal with troubles that arise that you missed. Maybe your plan is sitting at the kitchen table right then and working it out. Maybe you need a day or two. It doesn’t matter. Just think about it and realize that all good plans are flexible.
Plan to save – your money and your marriage. Things always come up: fights, squabbles, disagreements. But if it was worth getting married, it’s worth working at and improving. With some work, you might make it to 60 years and what an accomplishment that will be.
Mikaylie Kartchner is a senior in journalism. Send comments to mikayliek@cc.usu.edu.