COLUMN: Part II: It takes two
Growing up, I had a birthday party every year.
My young friends had the respect to dress up nice, come on time and bring a carefully selected and wrapped present. I also had a responsibilities at each party of making each child feel welcome, introduce kids who didn’t know each other, make sure everyone had a cupcake at the end, thank them for coming and to be kind and gracious to each one. Dating can be a lot like a party, and even when he is coming to her party, girls have a role of responsibility in each relationship.
By popular demand, I have decided to write a sequel to last week’s column on the man’s man. Women are not the only gender oftentimes confused and frustrated by the opposite sex. Men have an uphill battle to climb and sometimes they do deserve a break.
Most men I spoke with agreed that dating is the time for them to “woo” the woman they are interested in, but this does not leave all of the responsibility to him.
Too many girls sit back and watch as the men try to “figure them out.”
This is a hazardous activity that should not be attempted by anyone.
Most men would rather have women tell them straight up what is on their mind.
Men are not mind readers and they should not be expected to try.
If you’re not into him, tell him. If you don’t want to go on a second date, don’t make up an excuse; tell him the way it is. If you know it’s not going anywhere, don’t lead him on.
For women, this can be the hardest part.
Women become so worried about being mean, or thinking, ‘He might hate me.’ Chances are, he’ll hate you a lot more if you lead him on now and blow him off later.
Equally as important as telling him when you’re not into it, let him know when you are interested.
Men want to feel needed, they need to know they are important to you. A little reassurance never hurt anyone. Don’t wait for him to figure out what you’re thinking; help him out by speaking up.
You can’t expect a man to read your mind and you can’t expect him to be what he is not. Real dating is not always Hollywood. Just as women are not only sandwich makers and dishwashers, men are not bottomless pits of cash, candy and horse-drawn carriages.
The guy you’re dating should treat you right and make every reasonable attempt to make you feel like a princess, but you can’t expect him to furnish your apartment with roses, shower you with gifts or spend a fortune on dinner every night. Dating is not all about the money spent or things bought; it’s about showing who you really are.
Showing your best side to the other person and then finding someone who compliments you best. Women are often really good at taking and sometimes forget when it’s their turn to give. There are a lot of things women can and should do for their men.
Women should be willing to give her time and attention to her date by not talking on the phone to her girlfriends during the date, dressing up a little for him, go somewhere he wants to go or learn something new he is interested in.
One reader said it best: “One must acknowledge the truest foreign ground a man stands on amidst a woman, or women. We have to learn emotions, conversation (not grunting) and most of all, tolerance and patience.”
I think both genders would agree that the hardest part is knowing when it is worth it. Being able to tell the difference between the skirt-chasers and the genuine men, between the gold-diggers and the sweethearts.
Too often, the nice guys don’t get noticed because of the players that created a cold shoulder in women, in the same way that the ladies don’t get a chance because of the back-biting girls that came before.
Every relationship requires a certain degree of risk. There is no safeguard to tell you that this relationship will work and there is no guarantee that you won’t end up heartbroken.
In fact, in most cases, only one relationship will end up in a ring and even then, nowadays, it’s a 50 percent chance of sticking.
You have to put forth the effort to get some kind of reward.
When you find the right guy, he will be your prince charming. When you find the right girl, she’ll be your princess. They might not be perfect to my roommate, or to me, but to you, they are.
It takes two.
The responsibilities are different, but it takes both parts to make it work.
Fairy tales do come true, everyone has one, and they are all just a little bit different. And sooner or later, there will only be one guest you want to invite to your party.
Pass it on.
Emma Tippetts is a senior majoring in law and constitutional studies and print journalism. Please send comments and questions to
etippetts@cc.usu.edu.