COLUMN: When dating gets tough, give the ultimatum
At least once a year I succumb to touching upon the subject of dating relationships. I usually avoid this topic because 1) Dr. Laura already has the corner market, 2) I think that it is often beaten to death, and 3) I am not what my friends might call an “expert” on this subject. As a matter of fact, I am not what anyone might call a “know-anything-whatsoever-kind-of-guy” on this subject.
Notwithstanding these small setbacks, every now and then I stumble upon a jewel of information so wonderful, a bit of advice so groundbreaking, that I would be doing a great disservice to society if I tried to keep it to myself.
Most people know what it is like to fall into a relationship. You meet, you fall in love, dating commences, and you live happily ever after. Right? Right. Romeo and Juliet had it easy. They died before ever moving on to the next stage: the stalemate. The stalemate, of course, is where one of the two refuses to progress farther in the relationship because they fear it is too much, but they are also too involved to let go. The famous Catch-22. Point of no return. Dating limbo. Two paths diverging in a yellow wood. You get the idea.
If you are unfortunate enough to find your relationship partner taking up this stalemate position, you have probably already given in to the discouraging idea that there is no way to extract him or her from their defensive stance. Wrong. There is a way.
Now, before I divulge my extraordinary secret, I have to comment that I think it is ironic that I got this unprecedented information from my brother. The reason this is ironic is because my brother is as experienced as I am when it comes to relationships. But, as the saying goes, “Out of the mouth of losers …” or something like that.
Now, onto my solution. If you are trapped in the quagmire of a relationship stalemate, it is time for an ultimatum. I already know that many of you right now are thinking, “That’s his advice?! An ultimatum! He’s stupider than I thought.” I am assuming you are thinking this because you have many times already tried the ultimatum angle, and it hasn’t worked. I must ask that you allow me to finish before jumping to these conclusions. The reason your ultimatums have not worked up until now is because they always have something to do with the relationship. A popular example is, “either we move on or we’re through,” or something to that effect.
Well of course this won’t work because you have already shown that your interest is in the relationship just as much as theirs. They will argue stalemate in order to save the relationship, and they will win, too, since they have discovered the weakness you have that they can commonly exploit.
If you cannot make an ultimatum about improving the relationship, then what kind of ultimatum can you make, you might ask. Thanks to my brother’s wisdom, you can now firmly state to your partner, “Buy me a cat or our relationship is over!
This ultimatum is iron clad. There is no escape.
If, however, you happen to have a slippery partner, you might want to add, “If you ask any questions, then you don’t love me, and it’s over.” Be firm. If there are any “buts,” “whys,” or goldfish instead of cats, end the relationship … you deserve better.
The beauty to this ultimatum option is that no matter what happens, you win. If they do not get you your cat, then obviously you have rid yourself of a thoughtless jerk. If you do, then your relationship continues. Those are not the only benefits. If anywhere down the line it ends up not working out after all, well then, at least you got a cat out of it.
Marty Reeder is senior majoring in History education. Any comments or ultimatums (excluding ex-girlfriends) can be sent to martr@cc.usu.edu