COLUMN: The facts of singledom
Valentine’s Day is for singles. There I said it. Rip the Band-Aid off quick.
It’s a little known secret, but it’s true. It’s the only thing that makes sense. Valentine’s Day is a holiday designed to make single people feel incomplete and foolish at least once a year in the hopes that it will compel them to hunt a little harder for their other half.
How do I know this? Only single people would feel bad about not owning a stuffed gorilla in leopard print boxer shorts that purrs every time you hug him.
Plus, for the last few months my apartment has been like the love shack. There are five of us in there, one who just got engaged last week, one with a serious boyfriend, and one from France who seems to attract men by the drones. The other two, well, one is kind of anti-guys at the current moment in time, and the other is probably the most single person you will ever come across.
I’ll let you guess which one I am.
Due to the large amount of coupling and dating going on in my roommates’ lives, there has been a lot of romance. There has been hand-holding, couch-cuddling, short kisses, longer kisses, moonlight living room dancing, canyon-dancing and a little bit if gift-giving. There have been flowers, furniture, photos, notes, food and even a fish. And all of this happens on a daily basis, not just holidays, not just birthdays, but every days.
It’s proof. Valentine’s Day is for singles, because why in the world would couples need a holiday when they have each other?
So you might be thinking, “Great. I’m single and this holiday is for me. Now what?”
Well, if this pink-infested holiday had the proper effect, there is only one thing to do-start-up the hunt.
Now, if you’re a single guy in Logan, I’d suggest you get dressed up in your best Aggie Blue and go to the basketball game tonight. I know that’s where I’ll be, so I imagine many of my fellow single sisters will be there as well. Plus, if you get really desperate, just keep an eye on the big screen for those girls that are always proposing to Jaycee Carroll. If he’s not interested, you might have a shot. And if you strike-out completely, at least you have the game.
If you are a single girl in Logan, I’d suggest you go to the game as well. All decked out in Aggie Blue, you are sure to stand out in the crowd. And if you are desperate, just bring a sign that says “Marry me Carroll.” You could get up on the big screen, and who knows what could happen then. Maybe your other half is watching.
Happy Singles Day everyone!