LETTER: Keeping fear alive

To the editor:

    On October 30th, we will host our first basketball game of the year.  On this same day, Jon Stewart will do some hosting of his own: The Rally to Restore Sanity in Washington, D.C.

    While I support mental health as much as anyone, I become wary whenever I hear the word being bandied about.  Talks about sanity tend to devolve into discussion of things like sapience, clemency, and magnanimity.  I refuse to stand by and let our glorious country slip into accepting such  toxic words.  Mostly because I don’t know what those words mean.

    Some readers may accuse me of not being reasonable (another dangerous word Stewart has been using).  I would direct those readers to a statement by the luminary Stephen Colbert:  “Reason is just one letter away from treason.”  The real bedrock virtue upon of our nation, without which we shall fall, and which we should pursue relentlessly . . . is fear.  I exhort all readers not only to reject Stewart’s dangerous ideology, but actively oppose his rally by supporting Colbert’s March to Keep Fear Alive.  The battle, in fact, is already nearly won.  Stewart, realizing the futility of this rivalry, has allowed his rally to be subsumed under Colbert’s march (now making it the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear).  All we need to do now is show greater support for the true virtue of fear, not Stewart’s deceptive ?sanity.?

    So how can we, as red-blooded Americans and blue-blooded Aggies, Keep Fear Alive on this day?  The answer is surprisingly simple.  All we need to do is attend that first home game on the day of the March, and do what Aggie basketball fans do best:  Reject reason.

    When a Laval player misses a shot, don’t vocalize your relief like a reasonable fan.  Keep Fear Alive by chanting about how stupid the player is.  If a member of the opposing team is swapped out,  don’t be reasonable about it.  Keep Fear Alive by collectively commanding the player to sit down in disgrace.  When we beat Laval, don’t cheer excitedly about the victory like a reasonable basketball devotee.  Keep Fear Alive by declaring with one voice that Laval SUCKS.

    And Wild Bill . . . I’m not going to say anything because you’re huge and I’m afraid you might attack me if I accidentally make you mad.  And I want to Keep that Fear Alive.

Stephen Worthington