COLUMN: Forgiveness is seeing the bigger picture
This weekend was a difficult one. Heck, January was difficult. I’ve had the tune of Green Day’s “Wake Me Up When September Ends” going through my head for ages, only I’ve been substituting January for September.
Recent circumstances have caused me to reflect on what some consider a completely unnecessary attribute of adulthood: forgiveness.
Grudges run deep in my family. Certain aunts, uncles and cousins barely talk to one another because they find it difficult to forgive things that, years down the road, seem petty reasons to stop visiting or inviting others to important life events.
It all came to a head last week when I found out I had slighted someone in my extended family. It was completely unintentional, and I felt terrible for what I did – or failed to do. I figured it would have consequences, knowing my dear family. However, I was not prepared for the backlash I got from this family member who, despite having spent the first 18 years of my life living five minutes away from, I barely know.
I did my best to apologize and make up for the slight, but it didn’t help. The things she later said to me were hurtful, and as I drove back to Logan on Saturday, I couldn’t stop the angry thoughts from surfacing. Since I was alone in my car, I kept reliving the conversation aloud with witty comebacks substituted for my actual meek reply to her words. I hope anyone passing me on the freeway thought I was talking on speakerphone or through Bluetooth, because I probably looked a little crazy.
As I headed up Sardine Canyon, however, I found myself feeling sorry for this person, because the only way she knew how to react to a completely unintentional oversight was by holding a grudge.
Forgiveness is a topic proclaimed in churches and urged by inspirational speakers and often gets poo-pah’d by those who call it a sign of weakness. At the bottom of it all, however, forgiveness is a sign of seeing the bigger picture. I have watched people turn bitter and depressed because they poisoned their own minds with angry, hurt thoughts. Their lives are basically ruined by their inability to accept that people are not perfect.
Going for that last word or seeking sweet, sweet revenge will only bring sorrow. Those who have read Alexandre Dumas’ “The Count of Monte Cristo” – not the watered-down 2002 feature film version – understand that even after one goes to a seemingly spectacular length to exact revenge, the realization that you have caused more sorrow on others, especially innocent others, will catch up with you.
Justice is one thing; revenge is another.
I’ve decided to forgive my slighted relative for what she said to me. I did my best to seek her forgiveness, and it does not look like she is going to mellow out any time soon. I feel more sorry for her than anything now, because it is likely going to affect her attitude more than mine.
Forgiveness feels kind of like unloading a backpack holding five mathematics textbooks, a 10-pound rock and laptop. At the end of the day, the load is much easier to bear.
– Lis is a senior majoring in print journalism and political science. She enjoys reading, dreaming of summer and trying all the fruits in the grocery section. She can be reached at la.stewart65@gmail.com or on Twitter: @CarpetComm.