COLUMN: A Valentine’s mystery solved
Instead of addressing one specific inquiry, today I will be providing general advice for the benefit of all. Believe me, it is my generosity, and not the unusual lack of questions directed to me, that is the reason for this general advice.
Maybe people were just too shocked by the accuracy of my astrological skills to contact me, but either way, I received no questions. I could easily refuse to write this week since I have nothing to respond to, but I decided to take the high road. Instead, everyone can benefit from my all-encompassing advice.
The issue I wish to discuss is not abortion or gay marriage or even today’s air pollution level but an even more controversial, hot-button issue … Valentine’s Day. This wide-spanning controversy isn’t one that is openly debated in letters to the editor or even discussed within the most open, comfortable relationships.
What does she want for Valentine’s Day? Does it really matter if the day is no different from any other? Does he care about me enough to do anything for me? What is he going to do for me? Expectations for this holiday are unspoken and the inevitable disappointment that results is suppressed.
Though my advice today may be overly obvious and general, we all could use a refresher course to ensure that this year’s holiday goes smoothly and no one gets hurt – emotionally or otherwise.
Since the happenings and rituals that surround Valentine’s Day are so secretive, yet at the same time so emotionally valued, it is about time someone revealed the truth. Today, I will reveal the truth about what a girl really means when she makes one very common holiday statement.
Male asks: “What do you want for Valentine’s Day?”
Female: “Oh, you don’t have to get me anything.”
The male will usually reply with some further questioning but, alas, receives no change in response. This meaningless exchange of words can happen in any stage of a relationship, if not in every stage.
I would like to clear this up once and for all. When a woman says she doesn’t want any gifts or special treatment for an occasion, especially if she giggles, blushes or says, “Oh, you don’t need to get me anything – you are too sweet,” … she means it.
If she really wanted something, wouldn’t she just specifically request exactly what she wanted to make it simple for you? Who really wants that element of romantic, spontaneous surprise?
There is very obviously no hidden meaning in a statement like, “No, don’t feel like you need to do anything for me, I’m fine.” But on Monday night when you haven’t acknowledged what day it is, don’t be surprised if she seems upset. When asked about it, she’ll probably reply with, “Oh … nothing.”
Often, men who think they are really intuitive will try to read into this statement also. But come on, if anything was really on her mind, of course she’d just say it. After all, you were the one who was thoughtful enough to ask her if she wanted anything and she is the one who said no.
Candy is empty calories. Flowers will die eventually. Why would she want to bother with a nice, romantic note expressing your true feelings for her that’ll just end up in some box after she reads it?
Valentine’s Day can be truly successful only when a woman’s wishes about the day aren’t trivialized or misconstrued. This way, no one has to face the sheer disappointment on their partner’s face when they receive the unwanted flowers or unnecessary hand-crafted card you so foolishly gave.
Lindsay Kite is a junior majoring in print journalism. If you happen to actually use this advice, please contact lindsaykite@cc.usu.edu for ideas on how to redeem yourself.