COLUMN: 3 challenges for ASUSU candidates
I’ll give you some background on my “increased awareness” of ASUSU elections. Three years ago when I came to school here, I thought it would be fun to run for office.
I had been in student government in high school, and I liked sports, so athletics vice president was the perfect job for me, right? I was like Saddam Hussein during the first Gulf War. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
At a meeting, I was informed of the rules, and even learned that if I won I would get a scholarship. Wow, this sure was fun. Armed with $6 worth of pamphlets, I was an optimistic freshman ready to go.
The pamphlet had a smiling picture of myself with important platform items such as, “I will work to hand out blue pom-poms at the basketball games!”
This was before I discovered the campaign platform trick of using the phrase, “increased awareness.” It is used as much today as it was three years ago. If you haven’t seen it yet, I promise you will:
“I will increase awareness of (enter applicable item here).”
Can we be any more vague? Even though it’s a cop-out, my platform probably would have sounded better if I was aware of this tactic.
So this is my first challenge to candidates: Don’t use the phrase “I will increase awareness of …”
My wake-up call came as I walked past the fraternities and sororities on the first day of campaigning. My pamphlets looked about as useless as Saddam’s SCUD missiles 10 years ago.
There were signs all over the place, cars with banners and music playing, and hundreds of students wearing T-shirts advertising my competitors.
Wake-up call number two came that night with the “dormstormers.” These are the people who went around to all of the apartments and would say something like, “Hi, here’s a flier for Joe Somebody, and he’s, like, running for, like, student body president, and he’s, like, really cool. And there’s a coupon for Cold Stone on the back. Thanks!”
I dormstormed too, along with a few of my friends who were well aware of my platform to hand out pom-poms at the basketball games, but I didn’t send out an army of brainless, flier-distributing robots.
This brings me to my second challenge for this year’s candidates: Please don’t send out everyone you know if they don’t know your platform. It’s more likely to drive students away.
Armed with new pamphlets (I was learning as I went), I went to an event in the TSC where we handed them out to students. I sat at my little table and watched as students were attacked.
Students looked a lot like one of these people you see on TV leaving a courtroom after being convicted for some awful crime. Students passed through this gauntlet, covering their face with a newspaper, as candidates, who were acting like the press, crowded around them spewing out statements on how they would increase awareness, all the while shoving fliers and candy into their pockets.
If only they could work as hard “increasing our awareness” once they are elected as they do when they are trying to be elected.
Challenge number three: On your flyer-handing-out day in the TSC, please don’t attack us. Let us pass in peace. If at all possible (I know this is a lot to ask) let us come to you.
As a writer for The Statesman, I am not allowed to endorse any candidate. But I will say this: If you are willing to live by these three challenges, you have my vote. If you all live by this (fat chance), I’ll vote for the one with the best candy. If there is still a tie after passing the three challenges and feeding me good candy, maybe then I’ll pay attention to what you stand for.
Clark Jessop is a senior majoring in broadcast journalism. Comments or promises from candidates to live by the three challenges and feed me good candy can be sent to clarkjessop@cc.usu.edu.