COLUMN: A very sherpa solution to lots of books
By the time the first weeks of a semester have passed by there are a couple absolute certainties you can expect. One certainty is that your average student has spent 45 percent of the first week in a line of some sort, whether for books, registration, advisers, computer labs or to be admitted into the psychiatric ward. Another certainty is that the average student has used several appalling swear words and vulgar terms all within the same sentence as the word “QUAD.
The certainty that I hope to address in this column, however, is that sometime within these first weeks the average student will have his or her backpack busting at the seams with all the new books purchased for classes. While many professors are sympathetic to the amount and cost of college textbooks students have to deal with, for the most part this does not seem to diminish the staggering quantity of books that students end up with. After acquiring the minimum books needed for the semester, it would almost be a worthwhile investment for that student to buy a personal forklift.
Unfortunately, not only are forklifts not readily available, but they are also hardly feasible for moving books around inside of buildings and small class spaces. Not to worry, however, instead of each student being forced to carry around all their own books, I suggest we provide a Sherpa to do it for them.
Those of you who are well versed in the lore of Nepal or Mount Everest undoubtedly would like to pat me on the back right now for my genius. The rest of you are wondering how in the world a sherbet is supposed to help you carry your books around. For all of you that are confused, the word is “Sherpa,” not “sherbet,” and it is not an ice cream-like dessert as you are probably thinking. A Sherpa is a person from the ethnic group of the same name who live in Nepal and is most famous for being porters for foreigners who attempt to conquer Everest. In other words, they carry all of the big, heavy equipment while the climbers get their names put in newspapers.
Seeing as how Sherpas can carry tons of weight at high altitudes, it’s not a small stretch of the imagination to envision them carrying large loads books across the USU campus. In fact, Cache Valley’s relatively warm climate and low-altitude, when compared with the Himalayas at least, would probably be something of a vacation for them (we’d probably have Sherpas running around in swimsuits and sunglasses during inversions).
A Sherpa’s job doesn’t need to stop with bearing books between classes. You could also have Sherpa could carry groceries back to your apartment. You could take your Sherpa with you to athletic events and load him or her with concession’s food. It would be hard to beat going on a date with someone while having a Sherpa accompany you, carrying board games, a TV with some movies, and other default date activities.
Obviously such extravagant Sherpa accommodations for each student will not come cheaply. Sherpas are used to dealing with millionaire adventurers. This clearly leads one to ask how payment would even be possible. Actually, this problem is easily remedied. Due to the inevitable decrease in doctor’s bills from treating bad backs caused by large book loads, health insurance companies could be easily persuaded to pay the Sherpa bill.
Marty Reeder is a senior majoring in history education. Comments of personal Sherpa orders can be sent to martr@cc.usu.edu