COLUMN: Public bathrooms require manners From the Soap Box
In my time at USU, I’ve never been one to talk about anything spectacularly important. The topics of my columns have ranged from looking forward to watching the local rodeo, hating BYU and teaching people how to shower. I’m not terribly different in conversation. I apologize in advance, but today I feel the need to talk about a subject that has been weighing on me for a while.
That subject is the freedom a person has to relieve themself in a public restroom without awkward moments.
Such disregard for the norms of the restroom threatens our decency as Americans. To fight Americans’ disrespectful bathroom habits, I thought up a few helpful guidelines I feel everyone should adhere to while in a public restroom.
1. Talking is only acceptable if you are continuing a conversation as you walk into the restroom with a friend. I’ve heard girls will chat about boys in the ladies’ room, so I feel it is acceptable to use the restroom for gossiping. Also, laughter should be used on the same general guidelines.
2. Please, put electronic devices away. I hate to sound like an annoying freshman-level history professor, but it’s weird to hear a phone going off in the restroom. As a reminder, bathrooms are plagued with germs. Who knows which germs are being transferred to your phone in the restroom. Later that day those germs will end up right on your face. Gross, man.
3. Wash your hands. No exceptions. Especially when someone else is already at the sink. I see the people who leave the men’s room without washing their hands. You disgust me. I just hope I don’t forget who you are and shake your hand at some point. At least make it look like you have good hygiene. As Jerry Seinfeld once said, “Play in the water a little bit for show.”
4. If at first you don’t succeed, flush again. Need I say more?
5. Quit your dawdling. Specifically, taking 10 or more sheets at the motion-sensor paper towel dispensers is unnecessary. Your hands are already dry by the time you’ve let them drip while waiting for six sheets to dispense. I only want one paper towel and don’t want to wait for you. I know the motion sensor is fun to play with, but you can do that after hours.
6. Brush your teeth at home. I am always weirdly surprised to see someone fighting plaque at a public restroom sink. However, I really respect those people who care enough about how their breath smells, but don’t have time to go home before a big meeting. Props to you oral hygiene pros.
7. Why are you reading? Without going into any detail, I’ll just say the public restroom is not designed for delving into a novel. Public libraries, however, are. Besides, those who enjoy reading newspapers in the bathroom often leave them there for someone to clean up.
8. I need my personal space. I don’t make a habit of seeing what things are like in the ladies’ room, but there is a certain code in the men’s room dealing with which facilities are available based on proximity to another bro who is also using one of the facilities. I’m pretty sure you know what I’m talking about. Please make sure you leave a buffer area.
I’m sure there are more things to address, but for now I hope these suggestions will help improve our quality of cleanliness. If not, I will continue seeking out the secret restrooms on campus no one else uses.
Remember, just because you do something in the privacy of your own personal bathroom, doesn’t give you a license to behave the same way in a public facility.
– Tavin is a sophomore majoring in journalism and is the sports editor at The Statesman. Follow him on Twitter @tavinstucki and send any comments to tavin.stucki@aggiemail.usu.edu.