Waking up a noon starts perfect day for this student
Utah Statesman: If you could wish for three things, what would they be?
Aaron Johnson: Marxist-social system. It might be cool to be like 7 feet tall and 300 pounds. And again, a Marxist-social system. It would be really nice if people weren’t self-interested to the point that it harms other people. That isn’t to say they should be altruistic to a fault, just that they should have the mindset that a Marxist-social system could work.
US: If you could go anywhere, where would you go?
AJ: Such a difficult question. I would take a motorcycle from South Korea to Portugal and survive. That’s what I would do.
US: What’s your favorite commercial lately?
AJ: I always enjoy the Dos Eqius commercials. The most interesting man in the world.
US: What’s your guilty pleasure?
AJ: Pop music: Justin Timberlake, Lady Gaga. That sort of thing.
US: Describe your perfect day?
AJ: Wake up at about noon. Put on a green sweater. Watch TV.
US: If you could go back in time, what time would you go to?
AJ: I’d go to Cuba, 26 of July, 1953.
US: If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
AJ: I guess I could stand to be a little thinner. Maybe more muscular.
US: If you were to write a classified for yourself, what would it say?
AJ: Aaron Mark Johnson, BAMF for hire.
US: If you could do anything, money aside, what would it be?
AJ: Spearhead a Marxist revolution. Just kidding, not really. But that would be awesome. Probably go to space.
US: Who is your favorite movie character?
AJ: There are so many. Jules from “Pulp Fiction.”
US: What do your friends call you?
AJ: Aaron.
US: If you could walk the red carpet, who would you want as your date?
AJ: Zooey Deschanel. I’m so in love with her. And Scarlett Johansen. I’m not so much in love with her as I want her body.
US: If you could learn any skill in a day, what would you choose?
AJ: I was going to say something like necromancy. Don’t write it. I don’t want to sound too nerdy.
US: What is your favorite type of party?
AJ: The type where you walk up and there’s at least a line of guys pissing on the wall, a few girls crying on the steps and you just know it’s going to be taken down by the cops.
US: What kind of soap do you use and why?
AJ: Ivory. My dad owns stock in Proctor and Gamble.
US: What do you hope to accomplish in five years?
AJ: I’ll probably be in grad school. Hopefully, at the University of Chicago studying under a philosopher named Jean-Luc Marion.
US: What’s your favorite part about Logan?
AJ: The people. I have some excellent friends. The people really make the place here.
US: Who is your best friend?
AJ: A man named Taylor Empey. He’s a great guy.
US: What’s your best pick-up line?
AJ: I don’t use pick-up lines. I don’t even pick up chicks. If they want me, they can come to me, and they do. Often. Just kidding. I’ve never actually had a girlfriend. I’m not actually admitting that.
US: What’s your first thought when you see a hot girl?
AJ: Something along the lines of “damn.” It doesn’t progress much further than that because my post-modern sensibilities kick in, and I don’t want to technologically enframe her. No one is going to know what that means except a few people, and I said earlier I didn’t want to admit I was nerdy, but there’s your proof.
US: How do you get through Finals Week?
AJ: Study aids and looking forward to the weekend.
US: Have you ever failed a class?
AJ: Yes. German. I hated that class.
US: What’s your favorite dance move?
AJ: I really enjoy ska-punk so I’m known to skank on a few occasions.
US: What does your handwriting say about you?
AJ: I don’t know. I guess that I wrote something down.
US: What is your favorite physical feature?
AJ: No comment.
US: What does your last text say?
AJ: It’s from a friend of mine named Mike Patton. It says, “All right, take it easy.”
US: How much time do you spend on Facebook?
AJ: Entirely too much.
US: What’s the best advice you ever received?
AJ: Never go to prison, Aaron. You’re too scrawny, your hair is too long and I just don’t think your butthole can take it.
– k.vandyke@aggiemail.usu.edu