COLUMN: World Irony Report
The world still isn’t very funny these days, but it certainly is getting more ironic. Just recall that in 1980 we boycotted the Olympics because Russia was invading Afghanistan. Now we are invading Afghanistan and Russia is one of our bestest buddies. Men in Afghanistan are celebrating freedom by shaving their beards while here in the United States men think growing beards is a sign of freedom and are only shaving them because it is the end of hunting season.
Hollywood, which has never been known for its restraint, has pledged to support the war effort by making better movies – which allegedly includes another sequel to Rambo. Though the idea of a buffed 55-year-old guy being able to kick the Taliban’s butt is a nice fantasy, I’m not sure it is the kind of fantasy we need right now.
Although Hollywood executives say they will not stoop to any new government propaganda, they do intend continuing with their same old propaganda where everyone can be rich without working, can punch each other in the face without breaking anything and that only beautiful people can fall in love. I feel better already.
We’re singing that song a lot and asking God to bless America when he/she/it may have already not blessed America by not stopping the attack. God is probably used to this sort of behavior from us by now. Generally only the winning team thanks God while the losing teams blame their loss on bad luck. So winning is divine, losing is just bad mojo?
Showing your driver’s license at the airport will only make you feel safer if you don’t think about it. After flying last week and being asked to show my Utah driver’s license about 12 times I came to the horrifying realization that our safety in the air rests heavily on the Division of Motor Vehicles’ laminating machine and questionable photography skills.
Remember, you only have to renew the photo on these every 10 years. Although in my mind’s eye I have not aged, the irrefutable reality is that the guy in that photo looks like the young brother I don’t have or a former member of the band “Air Supply.” And, since everyone lies about their weight, this means that just about nobody outside of a mother with sibling recognition capabilities equal to that of a penguin in an overflowing South Pole rookery could really say for sure whether that is you are not.
Your driver’s license also is a document that is about as easily forged by teenagers trying to get illegal margaritas as it is for a convict to carve a gun out of a bar of soap.
George Bush and Osama bin Laden are both college-educated sons of millionaires. No further comment needed.
It is all more than most of us can bear to think about, and it is high time we get back to the business of mindless entertainment with no more scientific accuracy than the new Harry Potter movie or depth of Britney Spear’s navel.