COLUMN: The Cinematic Trojan Horse

Andy Morgan

Folks in Cache Valley do a combination of four activities on Friday and Saturday nights. They dine out, visit the movie house, rent a video or stay home and drool in front of their television. Now, granted, a lot of slobbering is happening between reruns of Friends and Frasier, but I would submit that renting a video or DVD is the most popular weekend pastime, especially since unearthing a video in Hastings last Friday was like penetrating a cologne-filled Backstreet Boy mosh-pit.

Regardless of how much teenage testosterone is wafting throughout Hastings, it appears renting a movie – as a group – is a rite of passage. Friends learn volumes about their cohorts‚ interests and beliefs, and folks on first or subsequent dates learn the same. I know I did. Besides watching a group of acne-infested high school boys try and devise a way to rent Girls Gone Wild: Spring Break, or hearing a young couple quarreling about the cinematic merits of G.I. Jane and The Piano, this is the statement I heard most often: “I don’t watch R-rated movies.” I bet you’ve never heard that statement before.

This is the case in my home. My wife doesn’t enjoy watching rated R movies. I do. We don’t spar with each other on this minuscule point of difference; she respects my choice and I value her decision. However, like most folks in Utah, shying away from R-rated celluloid is encouraged, while unbridled PG-13 viewing is rampant. Smart for the soul? Maybe, maybe not. Good for Hollywood’s pocketbook? No doubt. PG-13 is a mini R-rated movie. It is how Tinsletown rakes in the cash without having to slough away much in the way of questionable content.

The MPAA created the PG-13 rating during the summer of 1984, after a public outcry over excessive violence in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom and Gremlins, as well as drug use in the teenybopper flick Sixteen Candles. The PG rating was a bit too soft for films of that nature, yet, according to the MPAA, an R rating was simply too harsh of a fetter to slap upon Indy and Gizmo.

In that day, and in our current time, an R rating suggests lower attendance and reduced profits. Financial statistics reinforce this assessment: Titanic, the highest grossing movie of all-time, raked in over $600 million at the box office, moreover, the first 21 films of the top 100 moneymakers are either rated PG or PG-13. Beverly Hills Cop is the first R rated film in the top 100 with close to $235 million. In the top 100, there are only 23 films rated R.

Last year, the MPAA reported $7.66 billion in domestic box office revenue, with 69 percent of released movies being rated R, 19 percent being rated PG-13, 7 percent PG, and 5 percent G. Hollywood is in love with the R-rated movie, but Hollywood also knows the money train slides on the tracks of the PG-13 rating.

My challenge is this: If you are going to ostracize R-rated films because of the rating’s tendency to include more sex, nudity, violence and swearing, then you better examine your film attendance habits in the broadest possible terms. Because, like most people, you’re probably rushing to see the newest PG-13 flick, which has the potential to be as lewd, if not more bawdy than a snubbed R-rated film.

For instance, Spy Game, which opened this past weekend, has 16 f-words, seven s-words, five hells, two damns and one use of the word “ass.” The movie also boasted various uses of the names of divine beings. Obviously, this is an R-rated film that testifies to some folk’s blockade of this type of entertainment. However, Black Knight, and Shallow Hal, recent PG-13 releases, combined had two f-words, 20 uses of the s-word, 28 variations of the word ass and a-hole, eight damns, 13 hells and eight slang terms regarding male and female genitals and female breasts (as opposed to slang terms about male breasts). Oh, and don’t forget the customary uses of deity as curse words.

So, you tell me. Is it okay to shun R-rated films and feast on everything else that could be labeled trashy? We all make personal choices, so that’s for you to decide. To be a hypocrite or to not be a hypocrite. The choice seems clear to me. If you are going to ride the high horse of morality and family values, you had better go for the whole shebang.