COLUMN: ‘Zoolander’ an insult to intelligence

Andy Morgan

Ben Stiller was hilarious in There’s Something About Mary and he was pee-your-pants funny in last year’s Meet the Parents. Unfortunately, despite his comedic talent, Stiller is sporadically humorous in Zoolander, a film he co-wrote and directed.

Zoolander derives its name from the character created for the VH-1 fashion awards by Stiller and Drake Sather. The main character, Derek Zoolander, has the brain activity of a gnat and spends his time developing new “looks,” like “Le Tigre” and “Blue Steel.” However, his life is turned upside down when he is no longer America’s number one model, and when he discovers all male models are trained assassins for the fashion industry. With this said, I’m sure Zoolander is particularly funny for Stiller and his buddies, as well as anyone associated or familiar with male models. But for me, Everyday Joe, Zoolander reeked. Hardcore.

On a side note, it baffles me how the film industry is shelving, not postponing, shelving, many films portraying terrorist themes, characters, and violence, but find it okay to disrespect another country, their citizens and leadership. Simply stated, the creative forces behind Zoolander felt it necessary to erase images of the World Trade Center towers from the final version of the movie, but didn’t notice the hypocrisy and crassness of failing to omit an assassination attempt upon the Prime Minister of Malaysia. I’m sure the citizens of Malaysia think Americans are two-faced, finding comedy in Hollywood’s mockery of their country’s factual predicaments and struggles. Poor judgment and pitiable taste, if you ask me.

That’s the moral outlook, but as an attempt at entertainment, Zoolander is at best a trailer comedy. Nearly every funny moment in the film was displayed in the flick’s two-and-one-half minute preview. Instead of being surprised throughout the movie, I found myself thinking, “Oh, there’s that part. That’s funny, again.” And then I would hover in my seat, which was moist and reeked of Old Spice, waiting – no, praying – for a change of pace or, mercifully, the end. It didn’t happen. So, with all the funny scenes played out, I was left to suck on my 102-ounce, best value Diet Coke, eat Trav’s Fiddle-Faddle and take non-stop whiffs of perfume, B.O. and the exuberant smell of date-night adrenaline (translation: I’m so excited to make-out after the movie is over).

Maybe I’m being too harsh. Perhaps if I was an insensitive 18-year-old, spent the day with my nose glued to MTV and VH-1, liked wearing white leather pants, a mesh T-shirt and loads of glittery hair gel, I would have enjoyed this movie. But I’m not and neither are you. If you pay $6.75 to see Zoolander be forewarned – save your cash and rent Meet the Parents. Not only will you laugh, but you’ll begin to prep yourself for 2003’s sequel, Meet the Fockers.

Grade: F