Breakup techniques differ by personality
Relationships can make people feel happy and complete. Although romantic relationships can help individuals bond, this bond can be broken. People have different techniques when it comes to breakups.
Jonathan Larson, a sophomore majoring in journalism, said relationships sometimes fall apart because at least one individual’s needs are not being met.
“It really comes down to if needs are being met,” Larson said. “That’s a huge reason why people break up, even when everything seems to be fine.”
Zac Welsh, an undeclared freshman, said his technique is to keep it cool and just be friends while he slows things down.
“I obviously knew that I didn’t want things to work out, so that was just my way of saying I just want to be friends,” Welsh said. “But it never ends up just being friends.”
He said he believes this technique encourages couples to maintain a friendship while dating other people.
“I feel like it’s more of a nicer way to say I don’t want to be with you anymore,” Welsh said.
Welsh said he has considered several different ways of handling a breakup, even pushing through and pretending he was still interested.
“It ends up being you go on a couple fun dates, but you still don’t have those vibes,” he said.
When a both parties in a relationship come to feel little or no pull to stay together, breaking up becomes an option.
“If you’re honest with someone, you’re open with them, then ultimately it’s not the wrong thing to do, but the right thing,” said Christina Macia, a sophomore majoring in English.
When breaking up, Welsh said he felt a need to smoothly let the relationship down.
“I’d still give her attention and still make her feel like she’s still valuable,” he said. “I’d call it off, but then I try to comfort them.”
Welsh said he tried to make it clear that if she still wanted to stay with him, he needed to make it more apparent he only wanted friendship.
“Ultimately, I think a lot of people do that,” Macia said. “They think that they’re going to miss each other or they’re not going to see each other, but that’s not how it has to be. You can still talk and hang out, it’s just different.”
She believes individuals can maintain friendships after a breakup if they don’t allow the friendship to go any further.
“As long as you have that barrier there,” Macia said.
When considering how to approach the breakup, Welsh practiced what he was going to say in potential situations, depending on his girlfriend’s reaction.
Welsh said he wanted as little drama as possible. He considered finding another girlfriend and having her as an excuse while not calling or texting his previous girlfriend.
“I was thinking to just to let it go,” he said.
Because Welsh still held value for his previous girlfriend, he decided to make the transition as smooth as possible.
“You kind of have that bond in that relationship that she at least deserves the respect, the reason why and the chance to have you again,” he said.
Welsh said he modified his breakup tactics in one instance due to the difficult life circumstances his girlfriend was in, wanting her to be able to focus on what she needed to in her life rather than difficulties their relationship presented.
“I had to approach it a lot nicer and more respecting that she’s going through a hard time,” he said. “I didn’t want to hurt her anymore or put more stress onto her, so I was still more there as a best friend.”
Larson believes breakup techniques depend on the personality types involved.
“I really think it’s different on the type of person rather than just boy versus girl,” Larson said. “I’ve had some where it’s been really slow. It just kind of falls apart.”
Gender differences can also affect the manner of a breakup.
“I think women are naturally emotional and open with their concerns and feelings where men kind of throw up a guard and brush it off,” Macia said.
She said while this isn’t always the case, this kind of reaction is possible based on gender.
Larson had an experience where his relationship ended as though his partner had “ripped the band aid off.” Larson said he believes this technique works better if a couple is just dating for the heck of it.
In a different breakup, Welsh and his previous girlfriend both agreed they wanted to see other people. They were best friends before and during the relationship and she was afraid of losing that friendship.
“We ended up actually losing that best friend relationship, but we still are good friends,” he said. “The way I approached that one is that I knew she was going to be understanding. The timing was right for that one, and that’s why it made it so smooth.”
“In a mature relationship, I’d say that’s the only technique,” Macia said.
Welsh didn’t appreciate how one of his previous girlfriends initiated a breakup with him. This relationship was his longest, lasting almost two years.
“All the way up to the last two months was awesome,” he said. “You could say the chemistry was there and the vibes were there.”
Although Welsh and his partner at the time felt they still wanted to be together, he was unable to give her the time and affection she needed because he was working long hours at a summer job.
“She felt like she was on the back burner of the relationship,” Welsh said.
When it finally came to breaking up, Welsh said little things were building up to that point and it ended abruptly.
“Now, I’m over it,” he said. “I’ve dated other girls. I’ve seen what’s out there. I know what I want and don’t want.”
The individual who is initiating the breakup can be gentle or could be harsh. The breakup method used can be determined by the personality type of the individual confronted with the break up.
“It also depends on the person,” Larson said.
Larson said he realized if it’s a kind gentle, person, one wouldn’t drop them cold and never talk to them again. He thinks this personality needs to be slowly let go. If the needs of the partners are not being met, Larson said couples wouldn’t want to continue the relationship and substitute their needs with something else.
“We’re all looking for happiness, and the way that we find that is by finding someone that fills those gaps,” Larson said.
Relationships are different and can be influenced by what each individual has to offer.
“Everything depends on the situation,” Larson said.
For those who have recently come out of a relationship, Larson suggests finding a person to talk to or anyone to interact with.
“Find a study group, something to get your mind off that old relationship and move on,” he said. “If you’re always hanging onto the past, you’re never going to have a chance to move forward.”
In order to recuperate after a breakup and regain emotional strength, Larson said keeping a normal routine is also important.
“If I’m in a breakup, then I go back to what I was doing,” he said. “Stay in a normal schedule. Don’t change your life because one relationship ended.”
– janemiche13@gmail.com