COLUMN: What’s With The Socks?
Being from the East coast, I find it easy to notice the differences and idiosyncrasies of the Utah sub-culture. The one that hits me the hardest is Utah fashion, particularly among college-age men. What I am talking about are their socks, and while we’re on the subject of fashion, mullets.
In today’s fashion-conscious world, why haven’t the majority of Utah men caught on to ankle socks!? And why do some Utahns think that it is acceptable to have a mullet hairdo in the year 2002? (A “mullet” hairdo is when the hair is short up top, and long in the back. You will notice a lot of these when attending rodeos and demolition derbies.)
Maybe someone didn’t inform them that the 80’s ended twelve years ago! There is no excuse. I understand that most fashion starts in New York City and spreads westward, but seriously, I haven’t seen big socks off of a soccer field in New Jersey since the wigwam phase ended back when Michael Jackson was still black.
I do not even think stores sell anything but ankle socks out East these days. The Utah fashion world is in some major disarray, and that is why I am here! I am going to lay down a few rules to aid men all over Utah, and the world, to have a better fashion sense. Women, get ready! I am going to make your men into some real studmuffins!
OK, are you ready? Here are the rules, plain and simple.
First off, if you are wearing shorts and sneakers, you MUST wear ankle socks; and please, have some fashion sense when you go and pick out a pair of sneakers. The sneakers can sometimes be a bigger problem than the socks. Here’s a hint, if they remind you in any way of a circus clown, Ronald McDonald, or any type of animal, do not buy them!
Secondly, if you are wearing shorts and sandals, you MUST have bare feet. Do not even think about wearing your enormous socks with your sandals. That would be atrocious, and what’s the point? Why wear sandals if you are going to cover your feet anyway? And with sneakers, be cautious when buying sandals. I would not recommend “TeVa” brand sandals. You should try and go for the beach bum, relaxed look. Try a nice pair of “Reef” flip-flops, maybe even some “Birkenstocks.”
Lastly, I do not care what anyone tells you, the mullet-do is dead. Similarly to the way they think about Elvis, some people think the mullet-do is still alive, but one day they’ll have to face the truth and realize it is really dead. Do not pain yourself any longer by forcing yourself to believe that it is still alive and well. It is not. It was a mistake in the first place.
I recommend you go to the hair stylist as soon as physically possible, and look at some fairly recent fashion magazines to pick out a new hairstyle. Have you seen the movie, “Joe Dirt?” If you haven’t, I recommend you see it. Hopefully, it will make you realize that the mullet was an accident. If it does not do this, by all means, keep your mullet, but I guarantee that you will be the brunt of jokes by strangers where ever you go.
That’s not too hard is it? These three simple rules would benefit the men of Utah in more ways than they can imagine. Women would swarm! Crowds would gather! They would be rock stars! OK, maybe not rock stars, but you get the picture. The fashion world would be proud.
One day, when I am a millionaire, I will personally pass out ankle socks to every man I see walking around campus without them. Until that day comes though, I will simply have to voice my concern.
I challenge all Utah men to consider my three simple rules. Ponder the difference it could make in your life. Imagine the limitless possibilities. With a little bit of fashion sense anything is possible! Maybe it’s even possible that, in due time, Utah will become the center of the fashion world, and New York City will be no more. I do not know what the future holds. What I do know is this. There needs to be some sort of fashion revolution here in Utah, and I am here to start it!
Hayley Miller is a sophomore majoring in family and human development. Comments can be sent to her at hayleyd@cc.usu.edu