COLUMN: Tips for a bipartisan Valentine’s Day

    I recently encountered a friend with an amusing story of romantic aspiration making a brave attempt to cross party lines. A nice conservative boy took a stab at asking a charming liberal girl out on a date. Heading into the Christmas season, there was to be a concert at the performance hall. The boy chose to phrase his invitation to the concert as follows: “…I’m sure they’ll separate church and state and everything.”

    Was this boy simply reading off lines from a book of things liberals like, or perhaps a liberal girl pickup line hand book? If not, such a handbook must be created ASAP. In the hope of creating the next generation of James Carvilles and Mary Matalins, I have chosen to take up the call of helping you entice anyone of the opposite political persuasion who might catch your eye. Following is a choice selection of stereotypical but hopefully amusing lines one could drop.

Liberals

    • Oh my gosh, I just joined  (PETA/green peace/amnesty international) too!

I know, I haven’t eaten meat in seven years either.

    • We could bike by the gardeners market on our way to the Wal-Mart zoning protest.

    • Hey, LGBT services is putting on a production of  “The Vagina Monologues” tonight. Care to join me? (They actually are and it should be excellent.)

    • What’s happening in Darfur sickens me too, we should really enhance awareness by blogging about it together sometime.

    • Motorcycle Diaries night?

    • I hear the new vegan bakery has all-organic, locally-sourced cupcakes.

    • I figure while we’re hiking we could do our part with some trail clean-up, too.

    • Wanna get coffee sometime? I only drink triple-certified but I know a place. (This could also work for fair-trade cocoa.)

    • I volunteer at Global Villages every weekend, how have I not seen you there?

    • I have all the episodes of Whale Warriors on my Netflix queue if you’d like to come over.

    • How have you not seen the new Michael Moore documentary yet? We’ve got to fix that.

    • Oh, I just can’t wash dishes anymore without thinking of washing oil off all those birds down on the gulf.

    • Want to share a brownie…? (keep in mind, this does not hold for all of us)

    • I’ve been thinking of getting the Rachel Maddow cut, what do you think?

    • I’ll rally to restore your sanity.

    • I messed up Romney’s hair. You know it’s where he keeps all his robotically handsome powers, after all.

Conservatives

    • So I’ve heard of this theater that allows open carry…

    • Is that the new Glenn Beck book?

    • Oh my gosh, that’s the same kind of pocket constitution Mike Lee carries, I never leave the house without mine.

    • Want to make signs for the (tea party/Sarah Palin/Birther) rally together?

    • Reagan’s my favorite president, too!

    • Is that a Herbert/Bell T-shirt?

    • Gipper movie night?

    • I also think capitalism is what makes America the greatest best nation God ever inspired.

    • I hear the concealed weapons class is doing a Valentine’s two-for-one deal.

    • Would you like to join my Ayn Rand book group?

    • Can you believe they cancelled “Sarah Palin’s Alaska”?!?

    • Oh my gosh, you look just like Anne Coulter.

    • Have you read “Going Rogue”?

    • I was thinking of cooking up some veal cutlets for dinner if you’d like to come over.

    • I just drew out for my elk tag, too, want to go together?

    While I of course understand that these do not apply to everyone within the categories I wrote them about, I hope they made you smile. Here’s hoping that this Valentine’s Day, whether you are red or blue at heart, you have a wonderful time with whoever you choose to spend it with.

(This column was written with the help and cooperation of the ever-charming Laura Anderson.)

Anna Jane Harris is a junior majoring in political science. She can be reached at anna.j.harris@aggiemail.usu.edu