Taking dating to the next level
Renee Galliher met her husband in a tattoo shop.
“He was friends with the tattoo artist,” she said. “He had long hair and a fast motorcycle.”
Maure Smith met her significant other in a coffee shop at Utah State University’s former Gay and Lesbian Community Center.
“The first time I met Angela, I fell absolutely 100 percent in love with her.”
Dave Bush met his wife by chance – at least that’s what he thought.
She had actually taken her skis back and forth from her car to her apartment five times until she “accidentally” ran into him in the parking lot while he was doing his laundry.
“There were qualities and features about her that restored my faith in relationships,” he said. “I always knew where I stood with her.”
Each of these individuals, as well as three single USU students, took an hour Wednesday to talk about healthy relationships during the Student Health and Wellness Center’s “Dating 101” panel in the Taggart Student Center Ballroom.
As panel facilitator and clinical psychologist from USU’s Counseling Center, Bush asked 15 relationship-related questions from the audience.
Although answers varied according to sexual orientation or current situation, most members of the panel agreed that relationships are more than just physical intimacy.
Reading one of the questions from the audience, Bush said, “Should you have sex on the first date?
“If you don’t want to see someone as a walking penis or vagina, then, no,” Bush said. “If sexual enjoyment is the first step in a relationship, then that gets in the way of getting to know someone.”
Based on a person’s intentions, maybe a one-night stand is the best option for him or her, but in order to have a meaningful relationship, a first date needs to be more than physical attraction, Zach Ames said, who is currently single and involved in various ASUSU comittees.
Smith, ASUSU Graduate Studies vice president, has been in a committed relationship with her partner for the past eight years.
“[Relationships are] about balance and working things out together,” Smith said.
From a question regarding how financially secure a couple should be before committing to each other, Galliher, USU dating researcher, said there are different issues than how much money you have.
“It’s the way you agree on how you spend the money that you do have,” she said. “Negotiation is more important than a figure.”
Ames suggested always having an amount of money set aside that is “non-accountable,” that each individual in the relationship can use for whatever they wish.
“If decisions are made with respect for each other, finances won’t ever be a problem,” Bush said.
Another issue of discussion was how to maintain self-esteem after several bad dates or relationships.
“It’s about having a good attitude,” said Tammy Wheelrwright, a single student representing the Latter-day Saint Student Association. “Think about what you can do to make the next relationship a better one.”
Tim Yindeepit, a single student from the Sigma Phi Multicultural Community, said it’s best to talk to a close friend and voice any frustrations that might build up inside.
In addition, Galliher suggested looking at other domains in his or her life that may be going better than a broken relationship. Another audience member asked how trust in a relationship can be repaired or damaged.
“There are issues that can’t be forgiven and you need to make clear with your partner what those are,” Smith said.
Galliher said couples need to realize that it generally takes a lot longer for the person who was betrayed to get over a certain problem than it takes for the person that betrayed.
“Look outside the box and realize that you’re not the only one this is happening to,” Yindeepit said.
Ames added that both people in a relationship need to be careful to not get offended too easily.
“One great extreme is to internalize and think, ‘I must be fundamentally flawed,'” Bush said. “Be more curious than critical.”
In general, members of the panel urged audience members to think about what they want in a relationship before they become physically intimate or even begin to flirt with someone.
In addition, they explained that it’s important to be open and communicate.
Galliher said many problems that start with couples is when they expect each other to know what they are thinking.
“Without open communication, you can’t move forward,” she said.
The event was in conjunction with Healthy Realtionships and Sexual Responsibility Week, Jana Carling, prevention specialist, said. About 200 students came.
“This is to help give information about how to improve relationships,” Carling said. “You don’t have to be single to need to know about relationships.”
Rebekah Royce, a junior majoring in geography who attended the panel discussion, said some of the questions asked were common sense, but it helped because she will come across these same issues eventually in her life.
“The answers really shocked me,” said Amanda Wouden, a sophomore majoring in journalism.
-mmackay@cc.usu.edu