COLUMN: Monday continued the divide, koo, koo achoo

Hey, it was annual Blue Jean Day Monday and so continued the great divide. Keep in mind that most of the really gruesome wars were started by people who knew in their hearts they were right. The thing that is only slightly less scary is when we start talking about “us and them” because most of us and them are really we and we are they are they are we and we are all together – koo, koo a choo.

Should gays have the right to get married? Should anyone? I mean with its general success rate, if marriage were a government program, it would have been canceled by the Republicans a long time ago. The Democrats would have just studied the problem for a hundred more years. Ralph Nader would have just put a stop to caterer overcharges and made divorce lawyers charge a flat rate. If you think marriage isn’t a government program, take a closer look at your tax forms.

Last week the Model Search coalition papered the campus, and though I find it aberrant that anyone or any gender or gender orientation would choose modeling as a lifestyle, I support their right to pursue that lifestyle. The Bible doesn’t address modeling directly, but I think the interpretation is there somewhere in the part about vanity.

While I’m on the subject of us and them – you know, I don’t think much of people with short hair flaunting their ears and bare necks in my face. I don’t really bug people with short hair; I try to accept their follicle orientation. It’s OK if you have short hair, but for decency’s sake, wear a hat.

There are even some people who just can’t decide. They have long hair in the back and short hair in the front. This ambiguity is disconcerting because I don’t know exactly how to judge them. I know I should be more supportive of diversity, but you know, it just isn’t natural Short hair is not natural. Other than a few coiffed-against-their-will poodles, do you see any animals getting haircuts?

There were a few years in catholic school when I tried to suppress it. I grew up in a conservative family and tried to keep my hair short, but you know, it always grew out. And even when it was short, I had long hair in my heart and had frequent long hair thoughts. It was not a choice, it is part of my being. All my Bible heroes had long hair.

Well call me Mr. Metaphor, but people who would never judge black, blue or red people are willing to swing the 40-ounce Louisville Slugger glory stick at gays. And some of my best friends are gay like some of my best friends are black. What that means is that I’m trying to relate, but I can’t any more than I can be blind by turning off the lights in a room for 10 minutes. All I can do is try to understand, and I try not to judge gays against stereotypes of the Village People any more than I judge heterosexuals against the crowd at the average strip club.

Peas, piece, peace – it all sounds the same; celebrate the differences.

Slightly Off Center appears every Wednesday in the Statesman. Comments may be e-mailed to dhinkamp@msn.com