COLUMN: Five ways to ensure a perfect weekend away
I pulled out of my campus housing parking lot last Friday evening with hope in my heart and a liter bottle of Mountain Dew for company. All my necessities were snuggled inside my roommate’s blue duffel bag because I was too lazy to pull the suitcase out of my closet.
I took a deep breath, filled Jane – my trusty 1998 Ford Contour – with gasoline, and made my way south toward Sardine Canyon. Time to hit the road.
It was my first opportunity to take a well-needed weekend trip since school had begun, and I had big expectations. Not simply because I had intentions for good times with good friends, or even that the Mountain Dew was on sale for a dollar. I was excited, mainly, because I was prepared.
If your weekend travel experiences have been anything as bleak as mine, you’ve learned the same lesson I learned: great trips take great preparation. Are you prepared to transform your simple, garden-variety, two-day excursions into pavement-laden journeys more epic than the ending of “Space Jam?” It can be done, my friend. All it takes is five simple steps.
1. Find a good floor to sleep on – Now I’m sure y’all are curious why I emphasized “floor” as opposed to simply a place to stay. Let’s be real, you’ll most likely be staying in someone else’s dormitory, it’s either the floor or their couch and you do not know where that has been, take what you can get.
Now remember, it’s not just about finding a floor; it is about finding the right floor. Do as much research as possible. Call in advance and ask for pictures of your friend’s carpet, go to a nearby Lowe’s or, most effective, seek Al Boreland for advice. Your choice of floor is your starting quarterback: if it doesn’t lead well, prepare for a drag of a weekend.
2. Seek out good photo spots- This could be the most important factor of all, so see to it it’s carried out well. Considering the most interesting place one could head to for the weekend is the bustling metropolis of West Valley City, Utah, it’s vital to find places in town that make your trip look interesting.
Anything from concert halls, wide mountainside views or an Arby’s will work, so long as you make it look cool. This is an element of the trip to be sure not to screw up. Consequences can be dire. Nobody likes the embarrassment of being tagged on Facebook in a photo outside of a friend’s garage holding a bag of bisquick. That just screams “lame-sauce!”
3. Be selective in activity planning – Nothing destroys the resolve of a good weekend vacation like wasting precious activity time on watching movies or playing X-Box.
Find a way to throw in some wholesome – and by that I mean inexplicably awesome – activities. Be sure to select one of each of the two weekend-abroad activity categories.
First, the practical activity. Find a bowling alley, a golf course or any neighborhood crawfish boil to make you feel at home.
Next, and more of a stretch, is the “Double S” activity, standing for “sweet, but stupid.” This will take some creative juices but will be worth your time. Do anything stupid you can think of, you’ll find it far more enjoyable than it ought to be.
Double S activities are best utilized when done on the fly, incorporated by throwing stuff off of other stuff or, if you’re ever the realist, dressed as an animal. Make it happen.
4. Mooch. Mooch. MOOCH! – I’ll cut to the quick on this one – you’re friggin’ poor! Never since the music video for Beck’s “Loser” have we seen more reason to live on next to nothing.
Take in as much free stuff as possible. Beg if you have to. It’ll keep you on your toes and make for a wallet-friendly weekend, and maybe some free Taco Bell.
5. End on a high note – Unlike a job interview, this is one case when it’s more important to make a good last impression. Send off your weekend trip with a bang. Play dress up, sing “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey, maybe even have a mud fight.
Just see to it that your 48 hours in that town shall never be forgotten. Throw in a couple of heartfelt man hugs and a free styrofoam container of orange chicken, and you’ve capped off one historic weekend.
And just to be sure:
Honorable mention – Do not go to Idaho! – I believe I made my point.
There we have it. Follow these steps thoroughly, be sure to bring a ton of window snow, and be prepared for a weekend out-of-town experience bent on changing your life.
And if nothing else, enjoy the free taco bell.
– Steve is a double major in broadcast journalism and marketing. For feedback on his column or ideas for things he should talk about, contact him at
steve.schwartzman.usu.edu