Column: Wasted Words; Root,root, root for a better tomarrow

Poor fools bound by the foolish technicalities of the Gregorian calendar believe March 20 was the first day of spring.

Others say they know spring when romance is in the air and they walk around saying terrifically awful words like “Love i a many splendid thing,” which is horribly easy for beautiful girls to utter, particularly when they have no interest in you.

But anyone with any common sense knows spring begins, in Arizona and Florida, in late February when pitchers and catchers report to camp. And spring began for the rest of the world Sunday, when the first pitch of the regular season smacked against new leather and hard-working Americans were once again free to buy $8 beers until the seventh inning stretch.

Baseball is America’s past time. It is a game that has survived player strikes and steroid scandals and both World Wars.

And yet, it is a game that could not survive Canada.

On March 8, during the World Baseball Classic, a team of the best players in America lost 8-6 to a Canadian team made up of players such as Stubby Clapp, Peter Laforest, Max St. Pierre and Mike Meyers.

I wish I were making these names up.

So what does all this mean? It means the end of the free world, that’s what.

Canada should certainly win handily in things like hockey and being half French, but not baseball. This is the first falling brick of our collapsing empire.

Still, this isn’t a new concern and our national government has been taking the appropriate steps to quell the situation and fight these terrorists from the North.

You didn’t honestly think President George W. Bush approved illegal wiretapping of American citizens because of alleged al-Qaida links. Did you? Bush, aside from being a failed oil tycoon, was the owner of the Texas Rangers. He is a man who understands that baseball is vital to national security.

Furthermore, Americans scored a major victory by introducing the idea of democracy to the Montreal Expos, relocating the team to Washington D.C. and renaming the team the Nationals.

But if you really want to improve the quality of its baseball players – and you hate freedom if you don’t – it has to start with our youth. Forget SAT scores and start leaving children behind, more money has to go toward Tom Emanski defensive drill videos and top of the line athletic gear.

Forget a chicken in every pot. We need a glove on every hand, a hat on every head and a jockstrap on every – well you get where I’m going here.

Cultivating a generation of superior ballplayers also requires improved coaching.

I was never given the chance to succeed in Little League.

I had a horrible coach who would always tell me to “go for the juggler.” And while I realize now that he meant “go for the jugular,” it’s much too late.

Baseball is too complicated already without having to always have to look over your shoulder for some sort of jester or clown.

Play ball.

Aaron Falk is the news editor for The Utah Statesman. Questions and comments can be sent to acf@cc.usu.edu.