Column: Mr. Un-Athletic; Middle Class Sports
In the world of sports there are three types of people: those who can play, those who can’t, and those who try. This creates a diverse spectrum that each of us falls somewhere in.
On the high end of the spectrum there’s those people who can play sports. We know these people. They’re people like Jaycee Carroll and those on other school sports teams. We know that they can play sports because we’ve seen them do it, and do it well.
On the low end of the spectrum there are those people who can’t play sports and they know it. These people don’t want to play sports and go to great lengths to avoid it. These were the people sucking down asthma inhalers on the bleachers during high school gym to avoid running.
But this creates a wide gap. After all, the majority of the student body aren’t on the school’s sports teams and most of us have at least some interest in athletics. The sports community has created a giant sports middle class. If you’re not quite sure if you’re part of this class, take the following quiz:
1) Have you never been on a junior high or high school sports team?
2) Do you feel you’re a better referee than the the officials at school sporting events?
3) Does your greatest moment sporting moment come from church ball?
4) Can you name all the players on the Cincinnati Bengals?
5) Do you have a little basketball hoop hanging over your bedroom door?
5b. Do you raise your arms in the air when you make a shot from your bed and scream, “Three!”
6) Have you ever practiced a sport by yourself and imagined sport-casters give commentary on your performance?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions you are definitely part of the sports middle class. Congratulations! I know the feeling, as I myself am part of the middle-class.
Yes, my sporting resume is stocked with… well, just about nothing. When I put together my sports resume, the only organized sport I had on their was when I played on a soccer team in second grade. Not too impressive.
Don’t get me wrong though. I love sports. I love to watch them, write about them, and I love to play them. But as a member of the sports middle class, I’m not too good at them. Yep, I was the kid in high school that the gym teacher was always yelling at to run faster. I still shudder when I think about my Finnish gym teacher screaming, “‘Awkins! Run faster ‘Awkins! You’re falling behind ‘Awkins! I swam the English channel and you can’t even do a lap. ‘Awkins, run!”
Despite my poor athletic abilities, I love to try to play. I know there are many of you out there who are like me. You dabble in many sports but don’t excel at any in particular. Even though we make up the giant middle class of the sporting world, nothing is ever written about us. Well, it’s time that all changes and that’s the focus of this column.
I am Mr. Un-Athletic. I’m on a quest to find a sport that I might just be good at. I will seek out sports that most people have heard about but either don’t know how to play or have never played before. I will go to a practice session for these sports at Utah State University and try my hand at them.
It won’t be pretty, but I suspect that I’ll have an increased understanding of the sport and just how good athletes here at USU are. Hey, and maybe there is a sport out there that has my name written all over it. Look for the next Mr. Un-Athletic column where I try my hand at women’s water polo.
Until then I’m going to go back to a sport I know I can win at: Duck Hunt on Nintendo. “Come ‘ere ducky!”
Seth Hawkins is a sophomore majoring in public relations. Comments can be sent to sethhawkins@cc.usu.edu.