COLUMN: Losing my family

This column has been too long in the writing.

It has taken months for my normally nimble fingers to find the courage to dance this final dance on an old keyboard. But now I’m ready, and the music is playing. The song is sad, yet pretty. They say parting is bittersweet, and it is.

I’m leaving a lot behind in this city I’ve called home for four years. More than you might imagine. Memories, dreams, hopes, friends, but most of all, family – my marriage of two years. Hence the trouble with words.

How do you write about gut-wrenching loss without wandering off into an abyss of self-pity and incoherence? How do you make a point about something so fiercely personal?

Separation isn’t easy. Especially if you’re not the one saying good-bye. It happens too quickly. The emotions are beyond reason, the exchanges too fierce. Tempers teeter on a knife-edge between love and hate.

You say things to each other that you never thought you’d say. You hear things you want to squelch hastily. The room spins. Life seems like it’s about to be devoured by a storm of madness. You want to scream, but even the loudest shriek doesn’t bring an echo perceptible enough to calm the upwelling of passion from within.

I could go on.

But what is pertinent is that the pain of separation hurts, and two people who pledge to live their lives together – no matter what – ought not to put themselves through such an ordeal without giving their marriage every chance it deserves.

Call me an idealistic romantic if you will, but preserving a marriage is a matter of integrity and esteem for a bond that runs deeper than even the most resolute friendships.

I know this is easier said than done. Some situations are quite impossible to fix. Yet so much good can come of a revitalized relationship, especially one that has been nurturing and mutually enriching until that catastrophic bump in the road.

Statistics tell a grim story of marriage’s dismal failure as an institution. Indeed, if Britney Spears’ one-night windstorm is any indicator, things are spiraling out of control. Some intellectuals seriously question the relevance of marriage in today’s progressive society.

While this is all very well, it is important to recognize that the trivialization of marriage doesn’t merely represent the long overdue death of an archaic institution, but a general decline in regard for commitment and compassion. We’ve become a self-centered bunch – the Me Generation, true to form. Marriage hasn’t failed. We’ve failed marriage.

Yes, I’m still a tad miffed about everything. So take what I say for what it’s worth. To my friends in the liberal camp, if I sound like a family-values Republican on this score, please understand that politics is the last thing on my mind as I write this final column. Too often, people confuse the personal with the political. Both don’t always mix. That’s a lesson I’ve learned.

In the end, my message is plain. As the author F.M. Knowles once said: “Marriage is a lottery, but you can’t tear up your ticket if you lose.”

I’ll add this. You can, but there are many reasons why you shouldn’t. Search your soul.

Leon D’Souza is a senior majoring in journalism. Comments can be sent to leon@cc.usu.edu.