LETTER: Fundraiser far from ironic

Editor,

Recently an editorial criticized the method of fundraising used in the dodgeball tournament for CAPSA. For those of you who share this belief, the event was not produced by CAPSA, but by a few capricious students who wanted to help the community.

The editorial compared the fundraiser to swimming competitions that benefit drowning victims and marathons for chronic knee pain sufferers. Having researched the reason for admittance to abuse shelters, I discovered that there has never been anyone sheltered to assuage themselves of dodgeball-related injuries, surely your shock is only rivaled by your own disbelief, but I assure you, it is true. When I discovered this I could only assume that those teeming victims of domestic dodgeball abuse must take refuge in the rife dodgeball abuse shelters that clutter large cities’ streets. But my further research showed that police have never received a call from an abused woman or child complaining that the abuser was mercilessly attacking them from the other side of the court with a padded spongeball (a note to the skeptics: I double check my sources for this information).

The dodgeball tournament used harmless foam balls that could only hurt someone if they were ingested (those who attempted to eat a dodgeball were warned three times, given two final warnings, and then disqualified). To superfluously ensure safety, if someone was caught throwing these malevolent spheres of sheer softened terror at the head of an opponent, they were disqualified. Much to the disbelief and disappointment of the irony-seekers, there were no injuries, nor did anyone who was “out” frantically search the phone book for an abuse shelter. The event was a successful great time. Look for it next year.

Kevin Isakson