The Pre-emptive Critics
‘Hot Fuzz’ “Hot Fuzz” is not just another cliché American action movie. It is a cliché British action movie, which means there are accents. And when a dangerous man speaks with an accent, I tremble. But not because I have a crush on him or anything – because I don’t. But I do have a feeling that this movie is going to be totally awesome. There are police, there are guns, there are moustaches. A pack of zombies with accents are the only thing that could make “Hot Fuzz” any better. And since the writers used the zombie pack on their last movie, “Shaun of the Dead,” I understand the omission. What I don’t understand is that warm, tingly feeling I get just watching the trailer to this movie. I mean, it’s not a crush or anything – seriously. But while I can’t explain my feelings, I can tell that they’ll have me front and center on the day “Hot Fuzz” premieres. So I’m sorry I won’t be in class today, but I have a pre-emptive fever for “Hot Fuzz.” By Zach Pendleton/zpendleton@cc.usu.edu’Vacancy’ Did you ever see “Breakdown” with Kurt Russell? It’s all about insane townsfolk doing mean things to innocent people. It seems like the townsfolk are at it again in “Vacancy.” But “Vacancy” has a small rundown motel in the middle of nowhere, two unsuspecting travelers who need to crash for the night, and a lonely video tape just begging to be watched. Didn’t these people ever see “The Ring?” You never, ever watch video tapes that are just lying around. People may come out of your TV and eat you, or the townsfolk may try and kill you and then eat you. The thing that really makes me mad about this movie is that it has Kate Beckinsale in it. That’s right. I have no problem with Luke Wilson being in it, but I do have a problem with them not casting Owen Wilson instead. Now there’s a great movie! Owen and Luke Wilson check into a rundown motel, but they never check out. Because the person really trying to kill them is Andrew Wilson, the lesser known Wilson brother that has been forced to do movies like “Churchball.” I pre-emptively love the movie I just made up. By Aaron Peck/aaronpeck@cc.usu.edu’Fracture’ In order to win back his love, the country-born, lower class attorney Noah, fresh out of law school, must confront a deadly psychopath…Hannibal Lecter? OK, so nothing in “Fracture” resembles this quirky crossover premise, but it’s hard to watch Ryan Gosling and Anthony Hopkins butt heads without thinking of the iconic roles that made them both household names, especially when the role Hopkins is tackling closely resembles that of the manipulative cannibal that bored audiences a few months ago in “Hannibal Rising.” Luckily, the brilliant actor was nowhere to be found in the uninspired prequel, and if his stellar track record is any indication, his turn as Ted Crawford, the self-professed murderer of his own wife, should be mesmeric. And despite also being closely associated with only a handful of low-key but critically acclaimed roles, including the aforementioned Noah from shameless chick flick extraordinaire, “The Notebook,” and drug-addict teacher Dan Dunne from the Academy Award-winning “Half Nelson,” Gosling’s refined performances prove that not even a lack of formal training can stop him from breathing life into another great role when he goes toe-to-toe with Hopkins. I pre-emptively love this move. By Mack Perry/mackp@cc.usu.edu