Marriage viewed differently in Utah
What subject is heard of in almost every priesthood meeting in every Utah State University singles ward of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints? It starts with an “m” and ends with an “e.”
Marriage is a constant issue among women in Utah, especially in small towns like Manti, where student Donna Beach comes from. Anyone not married by 19 is considered an old maid, she said.
“The older people in my town always ask me if I’m married, and when I tell them I’m not, they tend to look down on me,” she said.
Beach is very opposed to early marriage, she said. She feels it is viewed as disposable like a high school relationship. Beach said she has accomplished many things she feels will eventually help in her marriage, including becoming more independent, which will help her to be more selfless.
For people who live out of state, the concept of marriage at a young age is even more startling. When graduate student Sylva Miller first moved to Utah, she said was startled by the young girls she saw in grocery stores with big rings and lots of children.
“These girls seemed to only be in their early 20s, and yet they had a handful of children that were clearly their own,” she said.
Miller also noticed a shortage of non-family focused events. This does little to sadden her, but makes her appreciate her years of independence.
“Getting married young is not for everyone,” said Katie Howells. “Some people are not mature enough to handle the work that marriage entails.”
She said she and her husband had to focus on several issues to make their marriage work. The first was communication. When things are bothering them, they talk about it, Katie said. If they don’t, it often builds resentment.
The next was honesty. The last piece of advice Howells offered for newlyweds was to remember that when things get tough, people chose to be with someone because they love him or her. People often forget this and give up on marriage too easily, Howells said.
Howells got married at 19, and said there were things that were easier for her to cope with because of her young age. The big advantage is she wasn’t set in a way of doing things. The hardest thing was changing what she liked, which sometimes becomes a challenge, she said.
Emphasis placed on abstinence before marriage leads many students to rush into marriage with the first person they may jive with or feel like they have common ground with, said Natalie Christensen, a New Jersey native and student at USU.
People who move to Utah may not always encounter hardships and trials dealing with the whole marriage issue or the difference in dating life in Utah as opposed to other places. This was not the case for Christensen.
“I felt alienated because I would go on dates, and if guys were talking about politics I would often join their discussions while the other girls were just there to look pretty,” Christensen said.
“This was not something that was admired in my eyes, more of something that was looked down on,” she said.
Christensen eventually married her best friend of four years. She planned her wedding for a year and felt the importance of the ceremony was expressed through doing this. She said she doesn’t feel the same way about marriages in Utah.
“Marriage is taken lightly and it shows through the time that is spent on the receptions and how long the engagements ranging anywhere from a couple weeks to a couple months,” Christensen said.
Not only is a huge majority of the population in Utah, “marriage hungry” but they tend to be rude and obnoxious, Beach said.
“It annoys me when I am viewed as the competition,” she said. “It’s almost like a guy is viewed as a piece of meat and as soon as one [guy] walks into the room, 5,000 mosquitos jump on him.”
Marriage will work for anyone regardless of age. Both people just have to want it to work, Howells said.
“What’s the hurry? If you live to be 60, why not get married until you are 30,” Miller said. “You can spend half of your life single and half of it married.”