MOVIE REIVEW: B-Fleck can’t save uneven ‘Jersey Girl’
Grade: D+
Some day I will successfully expose the Affleck-Tyler-BMW contract. This insidious conspiracy has now made its second film appearance, and somebody needs to say something about it.
I first noticed it during the “sunset” scene in “Armageddon” a few years back. Ben Affleck is just about to take off into space to fight a speeding asteroid that is on course to crash into the Earth. Liv Tyler* is his girlfriend (as well as the daughter of Affleck’s boss, Bruce Willis). Before Affleck leaves, he steals off with Tyler for a few romantic moments. They wind up on some scenic hill where they lay around on the grass and make small talk while the camera snags every stylish angle of the BMW they drove there in. I was just amazed that the details of a lease option program didn’t scroll across the bottom of the screen.
In “Jersey Girl,” Affleck and Tyler hook up again, although this time Affleck isn’t an interstellar oil driller; he’s an ex-PR man. Tyler isn’t Willis’ kid anymore; she’s an enchanted elf that is debating whether to give up her immortality. Wait-no, she’s a video store clerk. Anyway, Affleck drives a BMW 5-Series, and when it dawned on me late in the movie that the grand triumvirate had once again graced the silver screen, it really creeped me out.
Incidentally, “Jersey Girl” is the story of a widower (Affleck) raising his kid in New Jersey. Half the time the film is trying to reach out to tug the heartstrings of its sentimental viewers. The other half it’s offending the same audience with excessive profanity and frank sexual discussions. I really wish these people would learn how to tailor a film to a specific audience.
There are a lot of people that bag on Ben Affleck for his acting. I’ll admit that I’ve enjoyed several of his other films, but “Jersey Girl” doesn’t help his reputation the way it could have. You want to take pity on his character, but it just doesn’t happen. The low point is a brutal conversation he has early on in the film with his not-yet-dead wife, played (prepare for an amazing shot of irony) by Jennifer Lopez. They’re supposed to be witty and funny as they play an aggravated couple getting ready for a night on the town.
They aren’t.
George Carlin does his part to rescue the mediocre acting, but he only seems to be hitting on half of his cylinders (I can’t quite say whether I consider Carlin a V-8 or an inline four). One moment he’s providing a refreshing joke, the next he just falls flat.
Affleck’s kid is played by Raquel Castro, and for a kid, she does all right. The problem is that the script has her delivering lines that would feel more at home coming from the mouth of a 15-year-old, even though her actions are more appropriate for a 4-year-old.
As for Tyler, it’s hard to accept her in the role of a trampy “wrong side of the tracks” gal so soon after her dignified elf role. You could argue that she’s going for range, but then I could argue that Steven Tyler and Keith Richards are the same guy.
What’s too bad is that the story makes you want to like the movie. You want to say it was well-done. Ultimately, it may have been well-intentioned, but along the way too many bad decisions sunk the ship.
*Am I the only guy that hears the song “Walk This Way” in his head every time I see Liv Tyler on screen?
Joshua Terry is a graduate student in the American studies program. Contact him at jterry@english.usu.edu.