Letter to the Editor: There are ways to make marriage work
Editor,
It states in the article “I Don’t Anymore” (Nov. 18th) that 35% of marriages between the ages of 20-24 split up. The article then argued that people marry too young. But what about the rest of the story, you know, the majority, the 65% that stay together? Are they just lucky? If the majority stays together then is age really the issue?
Let me tell you about my family. We fit in the “married between 20-24”, we both are full time students (FCHD and Engineering), with a 2 year old, every semester I work 20-50 hours a week, we recently remodeled a house, I designed and built a winning moonbuggy, and never hired a full-time sitter. I’m not bragging, but according to the professor quoted, our relationship and sense of self should be almost non-existent. Not so, our relationship is the best it’s ever been, and not only do I have a better sense of who I am, I know better now what I want most out of life.
The professor did say though, that some people may be better at it, but I say that anyone can be. Here are four things that I know will help.
1) Be family centered not self-centered. Let family success be your focus. That doesn’t mean no personal fulfillment, it will make you a better person, thus bettering the family. People change, but if your focus is the family then you will all change together, and stay together.
2) Talk! Get your feelings in the open, care enough about the other to work it out.
3) Prioritize. If you have to work so much that your family doesn’t see you, then find things to give up. Cell phones, the extra car… If you can’t find anything then hold in there until you do.
4) Eliminate the option. If more couples started out thinking divorce was only for extreme cases like abuse, there would be more than 65% that succeed. If you are willing to give what it takes you can work it out. Always.
And that’s the rest of the story.
Jon Walker