COLUMN: The single life really isn’t all that bad
This week’s submitted question: “I have been single for a while now, and it’s hard to feel positive about dating when you have been on five, 10 or 20 bad dates in a row. What advice would you give singles who are dating and frustrated?”
I think the word you’re looking for to describe your situation perfectly here is “jaded:” being tired, bored or lacking enthusiasm, typically after having had too much of something.
It’s totally normal to feel frustrated, tired, rejected and sick of being single. That’s to be expected after tons of lame dates. I suggest taking a dating break every once in a while to put the focus back on yourself. Indulge in your passions and reconnect with friends. Sometimes you need to step out and recharge before you can get back into the dating game.
There’s nothing sexier than someone who is enjoying the parts of their life that are outside of a relationship. The irony is, you’ll probably start attracting more people when you’re not trying. Take yourself out of the dating scene if you are feeling down so you can later apply yourself with enthusiasm and a positive approach.
Dating in this situation can be likened to shopping. When you go out on a Saturday afternoon thinking, “I have to find a red sweater and really cool jeans,” it’s likely you will either not find what you are looking for at all or you will come home with a red sweater you don’t even really like and a pair of jeans that aren’t really that cool. I have found that I find the best things when I am not looking for them. I might be just passing by a shop and spot this really awesome shirt, and that is the real secret to finding a good person to date. Just be out and enjoying your life and doing the things you love to do – while keeping your eyes open – and the right person will come along at the right time.
I believe dating has a lot to do with timing; the right person for you will come along when you’re ready for it. If you’re not having any luck right now, chances are it’s just not your time. You may need to step back and reevaluate things while you take a break from it all.
Now I’m going to tell you what not to do.
Don’t ever go back to an old flame who was long ago put out, and do not settle.
I talk to so many people who are so sick of dating but want to be in a relationship so bad. Either they will go back to someone they were with in the past because it’s easy, or they settle because they don’t want to be alone.
Going back to someone you’ve previously dated can be messy and cause a lot of unwanted pain and unbury feelings that have been suppressed since you broke up the first time. If you have no serious intentions of returning to a relationship with them, you’re only digging yourself into a deeper hole.
As far as settling, it’s as simple as this: you should never feel like you have to settle in order to settle down.
Sometimes we treat our dating lives as if they’re the only thing that exists. It’s hard not to get frustrated when you take a break from dating. It’s hard to be comfortable with being single. It’s like we have a satellite full of options, but the dating channel is the only one we watch. Look at the number of internet articles and books devoted to telling us how to behave in front of the girl you like, how to get the guy to call, how to get people to like you and how to not die alone. Sometimes it feels like our lifestyle is created for us by magazines and other media that tell us we’re nothing if we’re not dating someone. But, surprise; it really is OK to be single.
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