Summer movie recap: the hits and the misses
With summer in the bag and our present cinema scenario on the dawn of traditional bad-movie months, lets take this time to rekindle the blazing flames of 2004’s hot summer.
These recaps are by no means thorough reviews, just blips and thoughts on Hollywood’s latest surge of blockbuster giants and the occasional small budget gem. Not all the films burned with greatness however. Some, of course, did and others came across like a turd in a punchbowl. But all seemed to have at least one memorable moment worth mentioning.
The let downs
“Alien VS Predator (AVP)”
An all-star stacked team of archeologists, scientists and drillers find their way to the desolate frigid vastness of Antarctica in search of an ancient temple buried beneath the ice. What they find: battle grounds for creatures not to be reckoned with. “AVP” combines two, classic, sci-fi-thriller-beasts for the ultimate big-name rendezvous and tosses measly humans in as bate.
* Why it doesn’t work:
Going into an Alien/Predator flick, similar to renting a “Friday the 13th” or “Nightmare on Elm Street” movie, isn’t complicated. Casting frivolous cares aside, we watch for very few reasons: blood splattering carnage and squeamish scares. Unlike its previously realeased monster-duo counterpart, “Freddy vs. Jason,” which appeased the gore-heavy expectations of its viewers, “AVP” was a fizziling let down.
With its disappointing PG-13 rating, which ferociously limited blood volume, AVP transformed Hollywood’s most notorious fiendish juggernauts, the heartless Predator and the chest-exploding alien into fallible, human-trusting burnouts.
* Memorable Moment:
Hoping it would be the one-on-one spars between the genres most fearsome fiends, the movie moment for this monster bash spotlights oozing hand aliens gliding through the air toward their human incubators with Matrix-style, semicircular-panning slow-mo.
“Stepford Wives:”
A sluggish remake of a 1975 jewell, “Stepford” gazes nauseously into a twilight zone of a town in rural Connecticut, where the prim and proper cookie cutter housewives cling, smirks-ahoy, to their nerdy men’s-club-outing spouses.
When neo-feminist Joanna Eberhart moves to Stepford with her backseat husband and discovers the hypnotic, do-gooder Barbie Dolls comply to their husbands every demand she smells conspiracy. Eberhart and fellow suspicious new comers: the flamboyantly irreverent, gay Roger Bart and the liberal, sarcastic Bobbie Markowitz snoop cautiously around town, looking for answers.
* Why it doesn’t work:
Much campier and less disturbing than the original dark-comedy, noir-thriller, “Stepford” offers very little cinematically and nothing close to its predecessors bona fide eeriness. Hollywood couldn’t save this dismal borefest, even with its A-list big guns. Nicole Kidman leads the here-for-the-paycheck-this-time-around cast with cohort disappointment Mathew Broderick, the not as creepy as usual Christopher Walken and an uncommonly tiresome Glen Close.
The end of the film contains a forced overview dialogue suggesting viewers may not have even been in the theater whilst the plot unfolded. This is a major sign of a flawed script or crappy movie, when they have to not only force feed the storyline to you but chew it and swallow it for you as well.
* Memorable Moment:
Bobbie Markowitz (Bette Middler) and Roger Bart (Roger Bannister) are the best team snoopsters since Shaggy and Scooby, but act more like neurotic stand-up-comics with their irrefutable snappy whit and detailed quirks.
“I, Robot”
Will Smith plays loner cop Spooner in 2035 Chicago, who seems to be the only person on the planet suspicious of a new line of supposed flawless robots. When a death occurs and a robot is to blame -something that is impossible, being that robots aren’t programmed to harm humans -Spooner battles all odds to miraculously save the world and do it with a great big ‘I told you so.’
* Why it doesn’t work:
This futuristic science-fiction regurgitation of the familiar ‘what if’ scenario on the theoretical evolution of artificial intelligence is as sappy as it is suspense-less. It forces so many emotions it feels like the Republican National Convention. If only Will Smith hadn’t saved the day with tears in his eyes, it may have been more compelling, but this movie was a big let down.
* Memorable moment:
This is the only film where I can’t think of a single memorable moment. For some reason I was preoccupied with the thought that I’d seen this idea before and kept waiting to hear “number five is alive.”
“Dodgeball:”
With countless over-the-top gross-out gags, crass, absurd humor and more testicle puns than a night at the Nutcracker, “Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story,” proves it’s nothing more than a movie with a lot of balls.
This splenetic, über-eeky, innuendo-fest stars Ben Stiller as self absorbed, creepy, meat-head White Goodman and Vince Vaughn as the likable sympathetic Peter LaFleur. After eight-month payment delinquency on the rundown, ill-equipped Average Joe’s Gym, owner LaFleur is burdened with the all-too-familiar underdog-movie scenario of coughing up an astonishing, jaw-dropping amount of money or face losing everything. Goodman, with his porn-star mustache and inflatable jock-strap seeks to snag Average Joe’s, level it and put up a parking lot for his Global Gym. In the nick of time Lafleur and his Average Joe-going-regulars discover a high stakes dodgeball tournament where the winner receives the exact amount needed to pay the back taxes.
* Why it doesn’t work:
The seemingly unforgiving wisecracks, tossed and chucked at every possible stereotype and generality, steer this unnerving comedy into the grayest ‘should I laugh or should I gasp’ hole since “BASEketball.” I’m not saying this movie isn’t funny, bathroom humor is funny, just ask any 12-year-old, I’m just saying this film slips from fresh ideas to spastic grossness in locker room fashion and doesn’t even attempt to fire off anything clever.
*Memorable Moment
Rip Torn as Patches O’Houlihan, a dodgball legend from the ’50s, creates some oddball moments. With his dodgeball creed: dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge, blasting off constantly, O’Houlihan trains the wimpy Average Joe’s Team by lunging steel wrenches at them. “If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball,” he mutters while pegging the poor athletes mercilessly. Later and in similar fashion he has them dodge oncoming traffic on the highway.
The Surprisingly Good
“Napoleon Dynamite”
I want everyone to pause for a moment and float back to the good old days when daft comebacks like, ‘make me,’ and ‘I know you are but what am I’ graced our all-too-familiar sibling rivalries, and seemed, at least to us, to put anyone in their place. Of course, most of us grew up from this juvenile, but reliable-at-the-time, verbiage. However, if by chance you didn’t, you might relate extraordinarily well with the title character of summer’s true underdog movie.
With his buoyant fro and Droopy Dog like face Napoleon Dynamite does whatever the heck he wants and does so with serious skill. Created by neighboring Preston resident Jared Hess, “Dynamite” is shot on location in Preston and details the trivial travels of the nerdy, but oddly self confident Napoleon. Made with the kind of budget most summer films burp on a prop, “Dynamite” explodes with originality and provides the kind of pleasent surprise sought by going to the movies.
* Why it works:
Its fresh delivery and highly contagious dialogue will keep audiences grinning from start to finish. This is the kind of film that begs for multiple viewings and provides ample enjoyment with each sitting. Napoleon’s ignorance and embracement to his own dorkiness is highly believable and the reasoning for making this film work.
* Memorable moment:
Napoleon’s Hispanic amigo Pedro’s stellar deductive logic
shines as a fantastic addition to the already tired-eyed sidekick and shows the detail Hess had in developing these nerds’ idiosyncrasies. Pedro’s thought route behind shaving his head provides insight on how this class-president-candidate might handle stressful situations. If things get too heated, shave something.
“Fahrenheit 9/11”
Michael Moore’s controversial documentary about President Bush’s inadequacies and his ‘blind’ reasoning for the war in Iraq sparked some mountain-sized debates, not only here but throughout the nation. Needless to say and personal feelings aside, “9/11” is an intriguing documentary, executed perfectly, sparking the right emotions at precisely the right time.
* Why it works:
I’m a firm believer in numbers, stats, and things you can clearly prove and even though the movie itself is op-ed, the numbers speak for themselves -more than $115 million has been made from this film (the highest grossing documentary ever) and due to all the ruckus its caused I would say its certainly had an effect. Let’s just make sure our tempers don’t escalate faster than the numbers are.
* Memorable Moment:
Every time Bush opened his mouth I laughed, and I don’t think he was rehearsing a punch line. I just wish Moore would have given him more camera time.
“Open Water:”
Being left at sea is a frightful thought. Being left there with a nagging, mood swinging spouse is a nightmare. And you thought the sharks would be trouble. If this happened to me I just hope I would have done the dishes beforehand.
“Open Water” is a smaller, independent film that follows a couple’s worst vacation experience ever. After being accidentally left by their boat, married scuba divers Susan and Daniel drift mercilessly at the oceans will, while trying not to attract too much attention to underwater predators.
*Why it works:
The realistic spats and panic cycles of this estranged couple are intriguing. Through blame-shifting-fault-debates and end-of-our-rope love confessions, the two blast through emotion after emotion while trying to stay alive. In addition the underwater shots are amazing and the use of acutual sharks in todays CGI-obsessed world is respectable.
*Memorable moment:
During the films climax, the camera bobs above and below the ocean’s surface, detailing a chilling sight of thousands of blood-thirsty sharks non-apparent to floating couple.
“Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle”
An adventure stirred from a simple premise: find White Castle and get some burgers. But nothing is simple in this terribly funny road-trip gone awry. Harold and Kumar, two college age, pot smoking roommates, who after a heavy dose of weed get an all-out craving for White Castle burgers and make an oath to get there before the night is over, or else.
*Why it works:
Similar to a gadget concocted by infamous fictional innovator, McGyver, I’m not certain how it works -being that its barely held together and often times with spare parts -I only know that it does. Using high-brow whit to juggle the same old college movie themes: racism, drugs and sex, “White Castle” whittles away the excess stupidity found in its genre and creates a pseudo-intelligent stoner movie with the kind of charisma one wouldn’t expect from two munchy-driven pot heads.
*Memorable moment:
I don’t think a super-sonic ride on a high-as-a-kite, pot smoking cheetah has been done before. But, then again, every scene with Neil Patrick Harris (Doogie Howser) as himself is hilarious as well.
“Shrek 2”
The highly anticipated sequel from 2001’s surprise hit, was more than just a clever animation. “Shrek 2,” with its uncanny fairytale punditry and humorous pop culture references, sucked in movie goers by the droves and placed itself as the fourth highest grossing movie of all time.
This unconventional tale of ogre love finds its title character in the uncomfortable position of meeting his new in-laws. With his absurd ogre-ish manners and uncompromising stubbornness Shrek isn’t the prince charming his in-laws hoped he’d be.
*Why it works:
Although countless references to classic fairy tales and similar happy-ever-after structure, this atypical story puts Fairy Godmother and Prince Charming as the happiness-thwarting villains, an ironical plot twist too perfectly executed to ever try again.
*Memorable moments:
Of all the films I’ve seen this summer, I don’t think I belly laughed quite as loud as I did when Puss In Boots did his sorry little sad eyes. It was outrageously precious.
Jack Saunders is a movie reviewer for the Utah Statesman. He is a senior majoring in print journalism. Comments may be received at jrsaunders@cc.usu.edu.