OUR VIEW
At The Statesman we love Christmas, but we also love other holidays such as Saint Patrick’s Day and Thanksgiving.
Interestingly enough, we never seem to see decorative shamrocks, Cupid window stickers or turkey-shaped lights within three weeks of their associated holidays. Whether due to an excess of Saint Nick syndrome or pure apathetic laziness, Christmas lights and tinsel seem to clutter our society for six months of the year.
While we appreciate the glimmer during days leading up to Dec. 25, we feel a need exists for a guide to Christmas decorations, namely when they should and should not be visible.
There are plenty of arguments about when decorations should be put up toward the end of the calendar year. Some people say Dec. 1 is the earliest Christmas should make its appearance, while others say the day after Thanksgiving is acceptable. Our less-than-favorite people will start singing Jingle Bells in the middle of November, and we are stupefied by those who believe in Christmas in July — they’re out there.
At the risk of seriously pissing off some soccer moms who make it the purpose of their very being to race their neighbors to light sales — as well as turkey rights activists who hunt the soccer moms like Blade hunts vampires — we suggest a compromise.
First, if you feel an undying need to celebrate Christmas before Thanksgiving, please be discrete about it. It’s okay to put up a few bells and ribbons around the house, but it’s best to leave the big, flashy, outdoor decor untouched until the pilgrims have successfully gorged themselves on their sacred turkeys.
Second, please pick up your crap before New Year’s Eve. If it only takes Santa one night to deliver gifts to billions of children around the world, is it really that much to ask for his joyful elves in the real world to stuff the reindeer lights back in the garage in a week? You wouldn’t let your empty vodka bottles roll around the apartment for three weeks after New Year’s Eve — well, maybe. Either way, some of those decorations start to look pretty nasty when they are left outside for a month in the polluted Cache Valley air — especially the massive, deflated Frosty the Snowman covering your lawn like an abandoned parachute.
Thirdly, please dispose of your trees in a timely manner. As with the blackened outdoor decor, Christmas trees get pretty banged up. Think of how you would look after a month if someone cut off your life support and hung glass balls and nutcrackers all over you.
We hope all of our readers thoroughly enjoyed their holidays, but it’s getting to be about that time. Go ahead, put your decorations away for now. After all, Valentine’s Day is just around the corner.
You will also be able to say you were in Bronco Stadium chanting “one more year” with the rest of the Hurd, students and alumni, when Robert Turbin sets the school record for career rushing touchdowns in Utah State’s 2011 bowl win.