How to lose a girl in 10 dates
Awkward.
That’s really the only way to put it. There was nothing really wrong or creepy or suspicious about him. I never saw him explode or pick his nose or talk to imaginary people. On the contrary, Steve was a nice enough guy. He seemed to me like most other college guys – going to school, dating, working. But he was lacking the certain charisma that he needed to sweep a girl off her feet.
Twenty-seven and looking to get married, Steve asked out about every girl in our apartment complex. If I remember right, he had never kissed anyone. Steve was on the prowl.
If only he had known that girls don’t like determining the relationship on the first or second date or if he had known the cues to when a girl is just being nice but isn’t interested, he would have been better off. In case there are other Steves out there, here are a few words of advice that will hopefully help to win her, not scare her.
Steve and I once watched “Seinfield” at a friend’s apartment. When it was over he walked me home and decided we were going to have a doorstep scene. If that wasn’t bad enough, he wanted to come inside my apartment so others wouldn’t see, and then he put out his hand to shake mine.
First of all, “Seinfield” never needs to end by walking a girl home and expecting her to know that you want to say goodbye on her front porch. It wasn’t a date. And secondly, never shake her hand, even if you are kidding. That’s weird.
Also, if you’re going take her out to eat, make sure you order something as well. Steve once took me to Teriyaki Stix for dinner only to watch me eat. That’s really uncomfortable for the girl, especially if she doesn’t know you that well. I would have paid for myself if I had known.
If you are going to ask her to play games with you, there is no need to stare her down and make her commit. I was sitting at my kitchen table when Steve got all wide-eyed and did that very thing to me. It was as if he was trying to pin me in a corner where I couldn’t escape. And he wouldn’t accept “no” or “maybe.” He kept asking and asking, and just so you know, game night is never that serious.
When you take her out to dinner, don’t ask about other guys that she may like more than you. Need I say more? He asked me if I had kissed my crush and sadly for him, I had to answer yes. With that, he went on to tell me what kissing means and that I could still have interest in other guys. Like him. Oh man.
When you do get brave enough to ask a girl out, don’t do it when she’s walking home from work and you’re in the car. You’ll hold up traffic. People will honk at you. She will be embarrassed. Once Steve asked me to go with him to a place on campus called the herbarium while he was driving through an intersection and I was on the sidewalk. Once again, it was like he was pinning me in a corner. There were only two options. Say yes or run. I said yes.
Steve wanted to take me there because he thought there were going to be pretty flowers in this plant basement, which I’ll admit is pretty creative. Little did he or I know, the herbarium does not have flowers inside.
The herbarium, which is located beneath the Junction, stores dried up sagebrush and desert weeds in folders. And then in lockers. And a little English woman has to get them out for you. While we were there, she ended up chastising Steve for not using two hands while examining the weeds. The whole thing was pretty comical.
Flying kites is always fun. I’ll give him that.
If you know she’s going on a date with another guy, don’t come over right before she’s supposed to leave so you can hopefully check out your competition. I was doing my hair when Steve tried to do that, and it only irritated me.
Never put on a “pity on me” act. Every once in a while Steve would talk about being old, and it seemed like he just wanted to get married. It’s OK to be a single 27-year-old male. Acting like you’re depressed about it or that you’re hungry for a wife will not make her feel bad for you. It will probably scare her away.
If the girl just got in a car accident and says she doesn’t want to see anyone, she means it. Although she will probably appreciate that you cared, a call is sufficient. We were supposed to hang out one night, but I rolled my car in the middle of Sardine Canyon. That should have naturally canceled plans when I told him what happened, but no, he still came to my door and I’m pretty sure I was not mentally OK at the time. That was the second to last time I saw him. It was all a little too much.
So there you have it. Don’t try these things at home. Good luck and happy dating.
Manette Newbold is a senior in print journalism. Comments and questions can be sent to manette.n@aggiemail.usu.edu.