OUR VIEW: Headlines we would liked to have seen
Fall semester has come and gone and we’ve seen our fair share headlines – locally, nationally and around the world.
USU faced budget cuts due to the lagging economy and a reduction in state tax funds.
There were speeches, presentations and donations made to university programs. Ground was broken for the new early childhood education building.
Football coach Brent Guy was fired after a fourth year of the team’s losing record.
And we witnessed the tragic death of USU student Michael Starks.
Local elections were held and the divisive Proposition 1 failed. Public office races were held, the results predicable.
We all survived the unbelievably long presidential election to see President-elect Barack Obama make history.
Even in all this news, there were a few things we would have liked to have seen, or headlines that would have at least made fall semester a little more interesting:
- USU gets big government bailout, all students receive a free education
- Guy’s final statement: ‘I guess the pass really is the way to go’
- In depth: USU Police bored now that students learn how to cook
- Statesman publishes flawless iszue – dang it!
- Obama admits, “No, I can’t.”
- Dave Rose decides to be a man, plays at Spectrum.
- ASUSU remodels the third floor, nobody cares
- Tax-free textbooks implemented: nobody notices
- USU cheerleaders replaced by Brian Regan comedy show
- Statesman apologizes for birthday suit Threads
- Football team’s airplane fails to achieve liftoff, offensive line too heavy
- Rare tsunami takes out BYU
- L.A. Times reports: ‘We wish we had Logan’s air’
- USU realizes tiny muffins should not cost $1.65
- Football finishes 5-7, Guy keeps job
- Indoor escalator replaces stairs on Old Main hill
- Big Blue dominates mascot competition
- Election results in, accepted without protest
- Analysts realize charts have been held upside-down for months, market soars
- Twilight-mania suddenly disappears, sanity returns
- Finals week canceled – auto-A’s given and carnival to be held instead
Obviously, these didn’t happen and it’s likely they never will but in an often slow news cycle, it’s nice to imagine what sort of interest and controversies headlines such as these would create.
News isn’t always glamorous, nor is it intriguing like these make-believe headlines, but, meanwhile, we hope you keep reading.