COLUMN: A disturbing Lack of High Fives
In a world of turmoil and contention, it is only human to want to find a simple solution to all of life’s problems. Some of you probably opened up this newspaper, saw “Brilliant Solutions,” and thought to yourselves, “Finally, someone is going to resolve the difficult issues in the world today.” That is jumping to a rather quick conclusion, and I think it’s only fair to tell you that if you were one of those people, then you are absolutely right.
Somewhat off the subject, I have been told, at times, that I’m egotistical. I don’t know how to respond to that, except by saying I don’t like statistics at all, let alone ego-statistics, or whatever that word is. But anyway, back to the world’s problems. I think one reason we haven’t found a solution yet is because a lot of people like to focus on what the world is (you know: evil, bad, wicked, 75 percent water, and so forth). I think the solution is to look at what the world is not, or in other words, what it is that our world lacks.
Undoubtedly, the first thing to jump into my mind when I think of something this world lacks is moving sidewalks, but I’m not talking about those. Nor am I talking about the world’s blatant lack of a one-size wrench that fits all nuts and bolts.
How many wars have started because someone couldn’t figure out whether they needed a 3/4ths wrench or a 7/8ths? By my count, at least three. But I’m not talking about those right now, either. The one thing this world is in dire need of is more high fives.
Many of you may be wondering what I am referring to when I mention high fives. Well, quite simply, I am talking about that thing you did in elementary school all the time with your playmates. What you do all the time in sports when you achieve a victory. I’m talking about the motion of raising your hand high in the air and slapping it together with someone else’s hand.
Some of you are wondering how a high five is going to be able to solve the world’s problems. The rest of you are wondering how you’ve read this far into an article that causes your brain cells to degenerate.
As for reading this, my guess is that you are extremely bored, even to the point of reading this at the risk of becoming stupider. You probably don’t want to listen in your class. As for the high five solving the world’s problems, it really is quite simple.
The problem with our world is a lack of positive reinforcement. People don’t know how to congratulate each other when something goes well, or they don’t know how to express their mutual respect for one another in appropriate ways. A high five does all of that. How can someone give a high five that doesn’t have any feeling? Technically, they can numb the other person’s hand so they don’t feel it, but otherwise it’s emotionally impossible.
We can apply this to all of the world’s problems. Instead of your professor giving you a letter grade, something impersonal and understandable to literate people only (elitists), your professor could just as easily give you a high five for a worthy effort. If you nailed a test, your professor could come up to you in class and say, “Hey man, way to go on that last exam,” then slap you with a high five. If you didn’t do so well on your test, your professor could say, “Good try, but I won’t be able to give you a high five this time.” I can’t think of a better motivator than to attain high-five status with the professor.
That is simply on the college level. If we go to world politics, it takes on a whole new twist. I doubt many of you are aware, but if you go back to the beginnings of our nation, just after the founding fathers solemnly signed the Constitution, they celebrated with high fives all around. I don’t actually have any documentation for that occurrence, but I can’t imagine any document standing the test of time without first being sealed by a spirited high five.
So much time is spent trying to get leaders to negotiate peace, but has anyone ever thought of just teaching them how to give high fives? Being caught up in the exhilarating moment high fives provide, either party will be willing to consent to anything to appease the other side. Bipartisanship is hardly existent in our government today, mainly because hardly anyone understands what the word “bipartisan” means, including yours truly. That’s why it could be replaced with the much more practical, high-five-manship. Can you imagine how many things would get done if our legislators, president and Supreme Court justices went around high fiving all of their decisions together?
This high five solution is not going to happen on its own, however. It needs to start here and now with us. If you appreciated an especially good lecture by your professor, go up afterwards to award him or her with a high five. If you were pleasantly surprised by a discount price on Twinkies at the local grocery store, be sure to give your cashier a high five of gratitude. If you go on a date, which seemed to go particularly well, let your date know it by bestowing him or her with an enthusiastic high five on the doorstep.
If we put this into effect, the world will change before our eyes, becoming a place of peace and happiness for everyone. Of course, if that doesn’t work, we can always try forcing everyone to wear plaid. But that’s a theory for another time.
Marty Reeder is a senior majoring in English education. Comments or virtual high fives can be sent to martr@cc.usu.edu.