COLUMN: Forget about it
We have an uncomfortable relationship with forgetting. It can mean you are careless or losing your mind. It could mean that you are rude for not paying attention in the first place. In school you are taught how not to do it and are graded on it. If you forget too many things, you will end up poor, homeless and put in institutions where everything is remembered for you.
Forgetting is most forcefully invoked after some national tragedy when some well-meaning person shouts “We must never forget.”
Of course we will forget. Forgetting is one of our best things and never is way too long for any person or society to remember anything. We have to forget. There are examples of forgetting all around us – Japan, Hiroshima, World Wars, Germany, Toyota, Volkswagen. I could go on, but why? The world is full of ex-enemies, spouses, bombs, treaties, in-laws and ex-laws that we have forgotten about. Murderers get out of jail. Alimony is paid and somehow we keep moving forward.
Maybe it isn’t forgetting so much as selective memory. There are so many things that are necessary for the continuation of the species that we probably would never do twice if it were not for forgetting. Child birth, running marathons and graduate school are all better things to have done than to do. It is only selective memory that makes it possible for people to do these things more than once.
Does anybody really remember the Alamo? I sort of remember a couple bad movies and have some general notion that Mexico may remember it completely differently. There are probably all sorts of other quotes about remembering but that’s the only one I can remember right now.
Those of a more religious conviction than I might try to differentiate between forgiving and forgetting but I remain unconvinced there is a difference. Does God forgive and forget? When we let someone out of jail for serving their time, do we forgive or forget? If you forget to pay your taxes is that error forgiven or forgotten?
While forgetting my passwords and where I put my keys drive me temporarily mad, I embrace the skill of forgetting. My father died suddenly five weeks ago and though I love the memories, forgetting is what allows me to keep moving and value the living while respecting the dead. It keeps me from dwelling on all the stuff I should have said or done. It keeps me in touch with good parts instead of trying to come up with some net balance of good versus bad times.
Forgetting is warm and comforting. It reminds me that I can do this again and I will forget most of that next tragedy when it comes. Forgetting is one of out best traits.
Dennis Hinkamp works for USU Extension Communications and forgot how mad he was when he started this column. Comments and questions can be sent to him at dennish@ext.usu.edu.