Preemptives

Preemptive: Charlie Bartlett

At first I thought the actress who plays Charlie Bartlett’s mom in this movie was the same as one who plays Detective McNulty’s estranged wife on HBO’s “The Wire.” But it’s not. According to IMDB.com Hope Davis who plays Charlie Bartlett’s mom in this MGM comedy has never been on “The Wire.” Oh well. For the record, Callie Thorne plays Elena McNulty. Okay, so Charlie Bartlett looks like it could be funny. The premise is a precocious scamp named Charlie Bartlett gets kicked out of private school and his mom sends him to a rough public school. He is an unpopular dork (He gets a swirly. Ha ha, I guess.) until he becomes the de facto school psychiatrist, giving troubled youths advice from the next bathroom stall over. Then they start applauding him in the halls. Well great. But I have a sneaking suspicion that this is one of those comedies that is going to try to be “moving” or “heartwarming.” I hate that. I avoid heartwarming like the plague. I preemptively would rather re-watch season one of “The Wire” than go watch Charlie Bartlett.

-graham.terry@aggiemail.usu.edu

Be Kind Rewind

By Aaron Peck

movie critic

Be Kind Rewind

It’s nice to be able to write a positive pre-emptive review about a movie every now and then. I know most of the time we pre-emptive critics act all high and mighty and pass judgments and make fun before even seeing the movies we’re critiquing, but with “Be Kind Rewind,” there will be no such fun making.

When I first saw the “Be Kind Rewind” trailer, I fell in love with it. What more could you ask for in a comedy? Jack Black, Mos Def and the director of “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.” Those three people right there are enough for me. But, there’s more!

Jack Black and Mos Def are two buddies who own a video store, but all their video tapes get erased. They are then forced to reenact, and film, all the movies by themselves. I couldn’t think of a better part for Jack Black. You can tell from the trailer he is ad-libbing most of his lines, but that’s what he does best.

I have nothing but extremely high hopes for this movie. I can’t wait to see how Black and Def act out movies like “Ghostbusters,” “Driving Miss Daisey,” “Rocky” and “A 2001 Space Odyssey.”

I pre-emptively love “Be Kind Rewind” because it has two of the funniest actors in it and it’s based on a premise that can’t fail when those two actors are involved. I know what movie I’m reviewing next week.

Pre-emptive: Vantage PointBy David Baker

“Vantage Point” just looks confusing. Eight different people see an assassination and I’m supposed to figure it all out? To hell with that. That’s too much work for me as a movie goer. What’s next? You want me to figure out the dialogue and camera directions, too? Why can’t this movie just be simple enjoyment – totally devoid of any mental or emotional stimulation, so I don’t actually have to do anything but focus on my triple-buttered horse trough of popcorn? It should be more like “Fool’s Gold.” For me to be happy with a movie, all I need is the chemistry between flawless celebs like Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey. Maybe some shirtless Matthew for the ladies. A few shots of Kate Hudson in a wet t-shirt to quench my carnal thirst. Or it could go the route of “Witless Protection.” All I have to do is sit back and let the constant barrage of fart jokes, redneck jokes, cut-off flannel shirts and Jenny McCarthy cleavage wash over me like a cleansing rain. So why – in the face of such quality, thoughtless, easy entertainment – would I choose a movie that makes me do stuff to understand it? I pre-emptively hate this movie, and would like to be the first to go on the record and say I’d pre-emptively love a sequel to both “Fool’s Gold” and “Witless Protection.”

-da.bake@aggiemail.usu.edu