Love and sports
Around this cruddy day of love, I’m sure you’re used to the paper having either a complaint from an unlucky, mateless soul or a glowing report from some head-over-heels romantic twerp.
So although I could do one of the above, we’re going to skip that. For once we’ll discuss how the man ticks. Women, have you ever wondered how your hunk thinks? Why it makes more sense to him to go to the Aggie game tonight instead of a candlelight dinner? Why he uses baseball bases to describe how your date went?
Luckily for you, I’ll take the hate mail and deliver, a la Karl Malone. Before delving into similarities between sports and love, please understand this ladies: He’s had a favorite team his entire life. You’ve only been relevant for a few months. This Valentines Day I will openly spill my heart for my true love: the wide world of sports.
Rivalries
Notice how he enjoys battling with other men over anything possible in front of you, from pasta to dishwashing? It comes down to rivalries. Though it is possible a win over the team down south would mean more to him, brutally demoralizing a close competitor, which will then win you over, falls right in line. Showing off his new found babe in front of a foe also allows him the taste of sweet victory. No, I am not putting a Twilight reference in now.
Post-Match Syndrome (PMS)
Contrary to popular belief, this problem belongs to the boys. A heartbreaking loss to another team can drive him into despair for weeks, only surfacing for his salsa or queso – or at least until the next victory. So if he seems to be holing up, don’t be alarmed: Just help him to another win and he’ll be okay. Just glance over the fact that losing you may hurt less than losing the game.
Scoreboard
Do you feel as if you’re on a points scale? Now you know you are. Boys inherently want to keep score and use statistics to keep track on relationships.
My anonymous friend explained to me yesterday that his date was “on the scoreboard, but is recovering from a penalty for lack of communication.”
Now that you know, be sure to keep the penalties down and run a well balanced offense to defense attack. You want that shooting percentage up.
Coaching
Guys are unskilled enough to always need someone else telling them how to pull through, such as a coach. Roommate pep talks, drawn up plays and constant advising, perhaps on the date, are necessary commodities. I myself give a plethora of advice that works brilliantly from my booth but not quite as well on the playing field – if you can imagine.
Analogies
It is much easier for your male friend to assimilate dating to sports than sports to dating. If you both really hit it off, raising both hands and yelling touchdown is much more practical. Why go through an entire breakup saga when all he has to say is “three strikes and she was out?” I myself am still waiting for when I smack an ace up the T.
Though after this article, I may be watching ESPN alone for a while.