The Blue and the White Sports Debate
Blue View by David BakerWhite View by Sam Bryner
Cowboys or the Packers on Thursday night?
Blue View I’ve heard this game called Super Bowl 41 3/4. Stupidity running rampant again in the world of sports coverage, no doubt. The majority of us won’t be watching the game because it’s on the NFL Network. Thanks. Back to the matter at hand, I feel like Brett Favre and the Packers are going to win. Why? Favre is old enough to have invented the football and leather and maybe even cows. Is Brett Favre God? Maybe. No matter whether Favre is God or just a mortal man, his corps of young receivers and good defense will help him pick up his first-ever win in Dallas.
White View Brett Farve and the rest of Packers are a lot better than anyone could have imagined. Early on in the season, after five games, I said in this debate the Packers could not continue playing how they were. They proved me wrong. They may have even found a run game these last couple of weeks. Now are they good enough to beat the Cowboys, yes. But will they beat the Cowboys? No. The reason I give the edge to Dallas is because the game is being played in Dallas. The match-up should be a good one, and I look for the Cowboys to pull away in the fourth quarter.
Will Missouri play for the National Championship?
Blue View Hey, they beat Kansas. They’re No. 1 … That’s the sort of short-sighted, backward, Nazi thinking that’s got this country buying little doggie fur coats for Fido or Art Garfunkel, or whatever people are naming their stinking beasts these days. Missouri is a decent team, but they are No. 1 by default. They are the lucky moron that avoided a crushing by the boulder that’s taken out the rest of major college football this year. Chase Daniels is a squat little spitfire, a play-maker, but he won’t be enough to beat the Oklahoma Sooners – who’ve downed the Tigers once this season – in Saturday’s Big XII Championship.
White View Everyone is talking about how Missouri will lose to Oklahoma in the Big XII Championship game and their chances at playing for the title will be washed away. I don’t think that will be the case, though. Here’s why: Missouri’s loss to Oklahoma earlier in the year was played at Oklahoma. Missouri was without star running back Tony Temple, who has rushed for 732 yards this season while missing three games. Lastly, this year for college football has been the year of the upsets and the year of the improbable teams. For Missouri to run the table and win the championship would only be fitting, don’t you think?
Will the Miami Dolphins go winless?
Blue View No. They are going to win in the most brutal, crushing way – at least for the New England Patriots. I’m not alone in thinking that it would be such a magnificent form of justice to have, on the same night, the Dolphins’ hopes of a 0-16 season and the Pats’ hopes for a 16-0 regular season burst into glorious, warming, unquenchable flames that would burn superficial Patriot sycophants, like all of Bristol, Conn. – where ESPN is located. You’re saying, this is a pipe dream. So. It’s my right as an American to come up with mind-numbingly improbable things. Take that you terrorist swine.
White View After sitting through the Monday night game against the Steelers, most people are writing off the Dolphins and their chances to win a game. I’m not one of those people, and I know at least one other person-you know who you are-who feels the Dolphins can win a game. While John Beck isn’t necessarily doing amazing things for the Dolphins, I don’t think he is doing horrible things either. Other than the fumble caused by a blind side hit on Monday night in the rain, the rookie QB hasn’t turned the ball over. He had some good-looking throws when he got protection, and he showed the ability to gain a few yards on the ground. This should be enough to lead the Dolphins to victory over the Jets.
Does God love BYU?
Blue View Only if the god we’re talking about didn’t create such beautiful things as beer, fire, those fresh breath strips, Marshall amps, the beard, indoor plumbing, Judd Apatow movies and all things special, sunny, warm, fuzzy or funny. Any god that could love such an atrocious evil. Such a pariah. Such a travesty of the modern collegiate experience. Such a gross injustice heaped on humanity. Such an awful, morbid fantasy for sickos, creepers and weirdos of all varieties. If god loves BYU, I’m starting my own church, where we worship a mold-crusted, maggot-filled chicken pot pie. It’d be better than serving a god that loves that nasty dung heap.
White View According to BYU receiver Austin Collie, God does indeed love BYU. After the BYU-Utah game, in an interview Collie said, “Obviously, if you do what’s right on and off the field, I think the Lord steps in and plays a part in it. Magic happens.” This comment would then infer that the Utes were not doing the right things and are bad people and that God favors BYU because of their on and off-the-field righteousness. Collie later said the only reason people are making a big deal out of this is because he is a white Mormon from BYU. Austin, that may be part of it, but I would say the reason people are making a big deal about it is because you are claiming God favors one team over another. Think before you talk next time.
Who’s college basketball’s best freshman?
Blue View Dick Vitale is an ever-more senile, ever-more annoying old man, whose voice is the only weapon needed to overthrow a government or conquer an indigenous people, so don’t listen to him. Listen to me. It’s the University of Southern California’s OJ Mayo. The kid can score. He’s a great athlete and probably a top-five pick in next year’s NBA draft. Given, he’s sort of a punk, which Los Angeles won’t cure. But, attitude adjustments aside, he’s a natural and could actually lead USC deep into March, ala Kevin Durrant last year with Texas.
White View There are a number of reasons I decided 6-foot-10 big man Kevin Love of UCLA is the best college freshman right now. A couple of those reasons are fairly concrete, and once you read the last reason, he will probably jump to the top of your list as well. Love has been putting up good numbers through his first six games at UCLA. He is averaging 19.3 points per game and pulling down 10.5 rebounds each contest. Pretty impressive numbers, but the way he is doing it impresses me more. He seems to be years ahead of his age down low, as whenever he touches the ball, he has shown great footwork and passing while in the post. Now for the real reason. Love is such a stud because his uncle, Mike, is the lead singer for the Beach Boys. I love it.
Rant
Blue View Yesterday, I was inundated with dimwitted snowfreaks ravaging my ears with nonsense about the glorious arrival of the first snow. I almost committed simple assault by punching – in succession – a priest, a 5-year-old and a semi-good-looking girl, all because they were raving about the snow. Apparently, in this winter-sports cult, snow is viewed as some sort of gift from above – half true, at least. In the more militant cult that I belong to, we see snow as an inconvenience, a problem, and the people who love it as a soft landing place for fists and swift kicks. Go ahead and do your ridiculous snow sports, my people will be inside playing Mah Jong and drinking Bailey’s in our hot chocolate. Watch out for trees.
White View I love the Utah Jazz. If you have ever read this debate before, you may know this. But every once in a while they drive me nuts, and I just can’t figure them out. The latest occurrences of this happened this past Sunday and Monday. They went on the road to Detroit and beat a team that has a terrific home record. The Jazz have been beating the Pistons, who are one of the better NBA teams, consistently for the past few years. But the next night, they went to New York and play the Knicks, considered one of not-so-good NBA teams,
and lose. They have not won in New York since 2004. Why is this? Why do the Jazz play so well against one team but struggle so much against another? Is it match-ups? Maybe it is. I don’t know for sure. Any suggestions or ideas on this phenomenon can be e-mailed to myself or Jerry Sloan. Go Aggies.