Guys and their dumb sports restaurants
At Ruby Tuesday, the TVs are always tuned to some channel displaying sweaty men running back and forth dribbling, kicking or catching. They also sell hamburgers the size of football helmets. What more could men want?
I went on a date there a while ago and was so excited when we got to sit at one of the tall tables-for-two with the swivel chairs. How fun. My date was excited too because the host seated us right in front of the big screen. He, of course, sat on the side of the table that faced the TV. I faced the tables behind him.
He was in ESPN heaven, almost ready to order some sort of medium cooked meat, no doubt with mushrooms or onion tanglers and barbecue sauce. I would be ordering my staple baked chicken and broccoli pasta, and would be talking to a guy who, instead of staring at me, would be grazing his eyes above my forehead, still kind of listening, but making sure he didn’t miss a touchdown. Pig.
The purpose for places like Ruby Tuesday, Chili’s, Iggy’s and Wingers is so any breathing, sports-loving man can go to dinner, order greasy food and not worry about missing one inning of the World Series, or a quarter of the NBA or NFL. He can bring a girl along and she’ll feel lucky to be asked out. And so long as the guy can get a good view of the tube, the date will practically be designed by God as far as the guy’s concerned.
It may be even better for him if he doesn’t go on a date. I went out to Iggy’s a couple months ago with two other girls and a guy. Because we were all going Dutch and there was no pressure to impress anyone, our guy friend not only stared at the enormous, strategically placed big screens, but at about every waitress and hostess he thought was attractive.
In fact, after we had paid for our dinners, he conveniently let us walk ahead of him as we left the restaurant so he could get one of their phone numbers. Iggy’s may as well have been created and brought to Logan just for him and all other men of his kind who are obsessed with three things – sports, food and ladies with phone numbers.
I’m not saying there is anything wrong with going on dates or with friends to sporty restaurants. In fact, most of the ones I mentioned above are my favorite places to eat. Ruby Tuesday has good French fries, Chili’s serves those mouth-watering chicken crispers, and I can’t get enough of Winger’s sticky fingers. The atmospheres are fun, laid-back and social. All I’m saying is it’s obviously tacky when a guy is searching for the nearest football game in the middle of a conversation.
The guy that I ate with at Ruby Tuesday said he thought I wouldn’t notice he was looking behind me when I made fun of him for it. Guys, just so you know, girls always notice. It’s not that hard to tell you’re not paying attention when drool is running down your chin as you pause to watch an interception that will surely lead your team to a winning game.
So here are a few hints:
A guy should never let his date know he is racing her for the seat with the better view of the TV. She will probably already know what he’s doing anyway.
Boys, if you’re going to watch sports the whole time, at least talk about something else if she’s not interested. And when she’s done with her sentence, it’s a good idea if you don’t respond by putting your fist in the air and yelling at the TV ref. He can’t hear you anyway. She can.
If it’s a first date and the girl is pretty conservative, it’s a good idea to not show true colors yet. This means no screaming after bad calls. And guys should never comment on “hot” cheerleaders or waitresses, at least not if they are trying to make good impressions. That’s lame.
A guy’s best bet at succeeding in keeping a gripping dinner conversation may be simply going out when he doesn’t care about the games that will inventively be in front of his eyes. Or, welcome to the 21st century. There’s a magical box out there called TiVo.
If the guy does decide to take a girl to dinner for his own sporting pleasure, the least he can do is buy her dessert. A girl will usually love chocolate. That is, if she hasn’t given up on the guy and his football-shaped brain. The Chocolate Tallcake at Ruby Tuesday is always a home run, as is the Molten Chocolate Cake at Chili’s and Asphalt Pie from Wingers. Hmmm. Dessert and a guy licking hot buffalo sauce off his fingers and talking in sports lingo. At least she got it for free.
Manette Newbold is a senior majoring in print journalism. What she understands about sporting events is that they include clapping and socializing. Comments and questions can be sent to manette.n@aggiemail.usu.edu.