Dress like you realize your worth
To the editor:
I found your “Soapbox” (on Halloween costume choice) very intriguing. Normally, I am not the type to get worked up over an article, especially not to the point of responding, but I felt like I could hardly let my opinion go by unheard or unexpressed.
Halloween is one of my favorite times of the year. I love the changing leaves, the cold that starts to set in, the scary movies and, yes, the dressing up. Every year that I dress up, I put a great deal of consideration into what I am going to be.
I want it to be just right: unique and clever, not cliché, but still recognizable. I also enjoy seeing what others decide to dress up as because I feel like a costume choice says a lot about a person’s character. But this is not limited to just this holiday; the way a person chooses to dress every day says a lot about their character.
You say that a person’s value is not determined by the amount of skin they are showing, and I agree. I stand by the age-old expression, “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” I don’t want to be judged based on my appearance. No one does, but the more skin someone shows, the harder time I have respecting them. How am I supposed to respect someone who can’t or won’t respect themselves?
You see, I am a firm believer in showing myself respect by the way I dress. My self-worth does not come from what other people think of me, but rather, what I think about myself. Because I value myself and my body, I dress modestly. I don’t need to show a lot of skin to catch others’ attention. I don’t want to catch others’ attention that way. I want to make an impression on others because I am kind or thoughtful or funny, not because I look “hot” or “sexy” in a thigh-high skirt or plunging v-neckline.
We live in a world where women, especially in the media, are often dehumanized and admired for their perfect bodies or criticized for the lack thereof. The rising popularity of immodest — or so-called “sexy” — Halloween costumes only supports this trend. To me, the answer is simple. If you don’t want to be viewed as a sexual object, don’t dress like one.
This isn’t to say that I think that women who dress immodestly or scandalously necessarily want to be hit on, nor do I think that girls who get raped “deserve it” because they are dressing in a certain way. Not at all. No one “deserves” something like that. What I am proposing, though, is that instead of advocating letting it all “hang out” this year, dress like you realize your worth. Dress like you respect yourself, and you’ll be amazed at how many others respect you as well.
Sincerely,
— Marissa Shirley
Marissa,
Modesty is behaving in a way that is not deemed inappropriate. It is defined by the community within which the behavior is taking place. If abiding by modesty is an expression of self worth, then conforming to what is deemed appropriate is an expression of self worth.
Defining self worth by one’s acceptance within one’s society is insecure. Defining someone else’s worth by their conformity (or lack thereof) to social norm, is prejudice.
I’m sorry that you can’t respect someone showing skin. I’m sorry that you believe that they don’t respect themselves. For me, a person is worth the same whether they are naked or clothed. You and I are different in that when you see skin, you see a focus on sexuality. But when I see skin, I just see skin. For me, the sexuality isn’t the focus, it is a part of the person.
Your focus seems to advocate the elimination of being sexy, when there isn’t anything wrong with it. There isn’t even anything wrong with accentuating sexuality. What’s wrong, is when you only see the sexuality in a person. What’s wrong is the fixation on sexuality. What’s wrong is when you let that sexuality define that person to you, to the exclusion of other traits.
You “want to make an impression on others because [you are] kind or thoughtful or funny, not because [you] look ‘hot’ or ‘sexy’.” That’s fine. But what if I told you that you could be “hot” or “sexy” and still be kind, thoughtful, or funny. It is the separation of sexuality from traits like those, the demonization of sexuality, and the association of self worth with social conformity that is wrong.
If you derive your self-worth from the opinions of others, then you will never value yourself as much as you deserve.
Excellent points, Marissa Shirley. As a male, I think too often girls have no idea how their dress can affect guys. Often a girl’s revealing clothing shouts “sex” to a guy. We are visual in that sense. What we see can easily affect us sexually.
The other day, I was on the Aggiebus and across from me sat a girl with shorts on that were too short (why in this cold?). I had to avoid looking at her because I know how it can affect me.
Later that same day, I was in a room with several attractive girls who dressed without showing their skin. I was involved in some of the conversation with them. After leaving that place I realized my mind hadn’t had a single sexual thought during the visit. I’m sure other factors were involved, but dress was definitely a significant one.
Good points Marissa. Aise though, you sound like a Muslim in Iraq, womem showing skin makes you think SEX! and it’s hard to control your impulses. This is just crazy religious babble that is simply untrue. They can wear what ever they want and if it makes you incomfortable, then too bad, it’s her body and her choice. Modesty like Marissa said is very subjective and based on culture, so please don’t push LDS culture onto people who may not agree with your take on what constitutes modesty.