Snowpocalypse
A student submission by Joshua Hortin
I fear that, as we re-embark on a new semester with what precious little extra energy we saved up over break, I may have some apologizing to do.
You see, I think I must have called down our current snowpocalypse.
Of course, some may point out that I had stiff competition from all the skiers and Mormons out there praying for moisture. True, I say, but I’ll let you be the final judge.
Most people might not believe this, but Snowpocalypse 2k17 actually began Dec 25, 2016 with a double Christmas miracle — a fresh foot of snow had fallen and church was cancelled. Sure, there was a driveway to shovel, but who wouldn’t take that deal?
Three days later I found myself helping a co-worker to sample groundwater for arsenic contamination. Lacking snow boots after two mild winters, as I do, and knowing that we would have to forge our own trail through the foot-deep snow, I suited up in all my ski gear, including ski boots.
I’m happy to report that the ski boots worked quite well at keeping my feet dry. However the day was sunnier than expected, and — surprisingly — warm. I quickly lost my coat and wished I had more layers to remove. It reminded me of the happy warm November days just passed. Would those days come back?
“If all winter is like this,” I thought, “it won’t be too bad.”
That’s when I jinxed us all by causing Mother Nature to give me her icy middle finger.
Picture this, if you will: Wednesday, Jan 4. Another foot of snow. I was stranded at home all day, watching helplessly as the snow alley that was the path from my front door grew nearly as tall as me. The day after, Cache Valley schools were cancelled so everyone could recover from the damage (and so I could promptly get my truck stuck in my friends’ parking lot).
Late that post-blizzard night, a new sensation tickled the inside of my nose. One I haven’t felt in years. One that may be new to many of you. You may have guessed it: freezing nose hairs.
It was a harbinger of things to come. On Friday, Logan officially froze over. The temperature never got above zero degrees that whole day, and school was cancelled again.
Unfortunately I had to move my truck on the day of freezing nose hairs. I put my key in the ignition and turned it. My truck made the most pathetic crank-crank-crank sound I’d ever heard. Probably not surprising for -20 degree weather.
Poor truck. This is all my fault.
Snowpocalypse 2k17 continues, drowning our first week of school in freezing rain, hellish parking lots, and tears. If I know Mother Nature, I don’t expect her to stop until I’ve learned my lesson at least 10 times over. So buckle up, USU. It’s gonna be a long winter.
Joshua is a graduate student studying environmental engineering. He will be spending his time this semester furiously writing a thesis, playing Fire Emblem, and huddling under blankets.