Victim blaming unfair, psychologically damaging

BY MANDA PERKINS

A cyclist is biking on a city street. At this time, a driver looks down to change the radio station, briefly taking his eyes off the road. The driver doesn’t see the cyclist, who is crossing at a crosswalk, and the two collide, leaving the cyclist with severe injuries. Who is at fault?

Here’s another scenario: a diner elects to eat at a restaurant.The diner becomes very ill after consuming the meal. Who is at fault?

If you decided to place fault on either the cyclist or the diner in these situations, you are part of a societal phenomenon called “victim blaming.” It’s defined exactly how it sounds: choosing to find fault in a victim for the actions of an oppressor. When looking at our previous scenarios, it’s fairly easy to say the victims aren’t at fault; the driver failed to keep his eyes on the road and the restaurant failed to provide sanitary service to its customer. But when addressing situations of sexual and domestic violence, a surprising majority of people find the line less clear.

Let’s say a woman is physically abused by her romantic partner. She decides to stay in the relationship and eventually marry that partner. Perhaps this woman is the now wife of a famous former football player. Sound familiar?

There is blatant evidence Janay Palmer received physical abuse from her now husband, Ray Rice, former running back for the Baltimore Ravens. It’s because of such evidence Rice has been terminated from the team and banned indefinitely from the league. What is almost as horrific as the crime itself are the reactions I’ve seen on social media:

“She chose to marry him knowing he was a violent man.” “She obviously has no self respect for staying with such a husband.” “The violence must not have been so severe if she’s stayed with him for so long.” “She’s stupid for defending him now that the abuse has gone public.”

This, my friends, is problematic. To state it simply, blaming a victim for the actions of another is never, ever okay.

So why does this happen? Perhaps it’s easier to talk about how a crime could’ve been prevented instead of how horrible it is that it was committed. Maybe it’s uncomfortable to discuss the inevitable truth that there are monsters living among us who cause physical and emotional pain, and in Rice’s case, get away with it for far too long.

There are many reasons why a partner would stay in an abusive relationship. The psychological repercussions of abuse are far reaching and, sometimes, immobilizing. I am not condoning domestic violence; although Palmer has asked that her husband not be subject to his punishment, Rice deserves it for his crime. We should help all individuals who seek refuge from abuse but should never let their choice to stay cloud the fact that they are survivors of a crime; it is in no way their fault.

Palmer’s situation is not isolated; there are countless women and men who find themselves in violent relationships and choose, for at least some time, to stay. In response to the media attention of Palmer and Rice’s situation, survivors of domestic abuse took to Twitter with #WhyIStayed, sharing their stories and the many reasons why victims of abuse find it so difficult to get out of their situations.

Sometimes children or financial obligations are the reason. But most often, people stay in abusive relationships for emotional reasons, namely fear, shame and guilt. I argue, instead of questioning their statements to probe for some sort of reasoning, let our energy and efforts be made to first, create safe spaces for such individuals that they may one day find peace and, second, bring abusers to justice by focusing on their actions and not the victim’s. Instead of pointing the giant media finger at Palmer for staying with her husband, let there be unquestionable repercussions for her husband and those who abuse and continue to abuse their partners.

I want to reiterate that I do not think victims of domestic violence should stay in such partnerships; every person deserves to be in a happy and healthy relationship without fear. But blaming a survivor of abuse for the violence of a perpetrator is a means to justify such violence. It’s an awful practice which puts the credibility of a survivor in question and gives power to those who commit such crimes. This creates an atmosphere where those who speak out against violence are shut down and invalidated. If we ever want to live in a world where victims feel comfortable to speak out against their oppressors, the victim blaming needs to stop.

— Manda Perkins is a senior majoring in journalism. She is a not-so-closeted crazy cat lady and feminist. Please send comments to manda.perkins@hotmail.com, knowing that sexist comments are not appreciated.